It’s Jan 1 and while many of us are happy to put 2021 behind us, it’s also difficult to generate a lot of hope for the year ahead.  What unexpected su,rprises might 2022 bring forth?

We’ve lived our lives celebrating New Years with anticipation and hope, certain that the year ahead will be happy, meaningful, a year of wisdom, a new job, a wedding or some other positive possibility.  It’s difficult, however, to feel heightened expectation after 22 months of a pandemic that seems to have no end, at a time when close to a thousand homes were destroyed in a few short hours to a Colorado winter wildfire and swathes of Arkansas, Mississippi, Kentucky and Tennessee were flattened by tornado.

We’re exhausted, bone weary, ready to get on with life and back to friends and family, movie theaters, parties!  Our brain tells us, enough!  Our heart yearns for the known and the active and the just plain fun even while scientists are telling us that the current strain is the most contagious.  What are we to do?

Enjoy our every day!  We can’t let one single day get by without making certain there are moments where we smile within and think, aah, that was good.  Our daily experience is no less important than the food we eat to sustain our bodies.  And, yes, my body has been a little more generously nourished over the couple of pandemic years, the result of savoring a tasty morsel or two.

But there is so much more to our everyday experience.  We live on the extraordinarily beautiful planet Earth under the magnificence of the daytime sun and clouds and the nighttime moon and stars.  Trees, flowers, lakes and oceans, the world is gorgeous and populating this amazing scene are animals, people and to get right to it, those who are most important in our lives.  Notice the things and the beings that are beautiful in your life, experience that sense of joy at what is most pleasing in your life.

At the same time, remember to be grateful.  Whether living a life of health or physical challenge, bounty or thrift, there are always reasons to be thankful.  Most remarkable, counting all the things for which we are grateful is healthy!  Who’d have thought, but study after study shows the powerful health effects of the daily recounting of all that is good in our lives.

Then there is humor!  Laughter lightens our heart, it eases our worries, it brings a smile to our face and sets off pleasant pulses in our brain.  It may be as corny as Kansas or as silly as knock knock jokes.  Could be you are a punster, could be you aren’t great at telling a funny story but love to listen, whatever makes you laugh is what will contribute to a lark of a moment in your day.

Even the things that are repetitive, the things we do every single day are a source of good moments, but we must practice noticing and acknowledging them.  Making your children’s favorite breakfast, a check-in call with a sick friend, even watering a plant and spotting a leaf about to sprout.  Many things lift our heart, noticing them and appreciating them each and every day makes the difference.

Here’s to a terrific 2022 for you and yours.  May the practice of enjoying each and every day contribute to your well-being throughout the year.

Name five things that you do that are your most favorite things to do.  Whether big or little, what do you most like to do?   Could be after school time with your kids.  Could be your annual mountain climbing conquest.  Could be playing the piano or teaching someone to read or weekends at your lake house or going to lunch with your best friend.  It could be your work but here we’re really talking about whatever brings inner satisfaction.

Your five favorite things that you do

It may take a bit of time for you to remember them all.  The very moment you start to name favorite things, more are going to come racing to mind.  You’ll be in your shower tomorrow morning and suddenly you’ll say to yourself, ‘I remember! I love decorating for the seasons, of course for Christmas but also Thanksgiving and Halloween and St. Paddy’s day and all of them.’  That goes on your favorite things you do list.

Have a bit of fun as you remember all your favorites.  Likely your list is already far more than five.  Our brains just love going to the things we most enjoy so let your mind explore and generate your list of favorite things you do. 

Once you’ve remembered all the things you love doing and you’ve narrowed your list to your top five, think about how often you do what you most love to do.  Look at each of your favorites and remember when you last did them.  Some of us keep their favorites in their everyday life – if you regularly do what you love doing, then congratulate yourself and keep on doing what you love to do.

On the other hand, some of us get so caught up with the must-do’s that their favorite things fall off their daily or weekly or even monthly list.  It takes not time to lose track of them altogether.  If your everyday has become so full, so intense that you no longer include whatever it is you most love doing, then it is time to stop, look at what you are doing and make a plan. 

Why don’t you do the things you love to do?

But first, before the planning, ask yourself what caused you to stop doing what you love to do.  Could be everyday busyness or it could be weariness.  Life today can be so intense that we get weary and it feels as if we’re dissatisfied.  In part, dissatisfaction can be the result of not doing what you love to do, making life more like a treadmill and less the lives we love. 

Every day we’re bombarded by an endless stream of stuff – whether those Twitter, InstaGram or FaceBook posts or new podcasts or breaking news or the laundry list of must-do’s, we can get to a place of seeming overwhelm and just stop doing the stuff we actually like.

If you’re there, feeling maxed out while not actually getting to do what it is you love doing, take a mental moment to make a plan.  Identify what has kept you away – money, time or even just the blahs.  Maybe it’s as simple as there’s no one to do it with.

Only when you know what bumped your favorite things out of your life, can you take the steps to make a change.  Once you’ve identified the what and why for not doing what you love to do, then decide on the actions you’ll need to take to manage whatever is holding you back.  Make a list of those actions you’ll need to take, in other words, make a plan.

Now, it is so easy to make a plan but never actually make that plan happen.  To fix that, be sure your plan includes the steps you will take to make your plan happen.  Include every step you’ll need to take to bring your plan to life.  If you don’t know what to do, what actions to take, then your plan will likely not work.  So, to get to back to doing what you love, be sure your action plan has the step-by-steps.

Life is not a straight line

As you take each step on your plan, it’s likely you’ll make missteps, you may fall back on your old ways.  That’s very normal when you are making a change even one that means you’ll be back to doing the things you love.  If you stop taking your action, if slip-up, be kind to yourself.  Accept lapses for what they are and get back to your plan.

Best of all, be sure to congratulate yourself for each success on each step of your plan.  That’s right, your successes are accomplishing each step on your plan, one at a time.  Don’t complete one without acknowledging your success with your mental high-five or whatever other way you choose to say good job to yourself.

Your purpose here, to be doing what you love throughout your life.  Enjoy your life; appreciate your life.  Make your everyday one that counts for you.

It sounds like one of those ads, improve your health, get better sleep and all you have to do is ….  Well, in this case, all you need to do is be grateful!   It’s as simple as that.  Gratitude can make the difference.

Over the past couple of decades, scientists have discovered that if you are regularly grateful for even a month or so, all these things will improve.

Best of all, the practice of gratitude is very easy.  The challenge, though, is to keep it going.  For some among us, it’s just natural, they are grateful to their core.  For the larger, less naturally grateful population, it takes some work.  But, who wouldn’t want to give it a try, to get to happier, healthier, and better rested?

How to make it work in your life? 

The answer is to tweak your daily gratitude routine in ways that make it work for you.  The easiest gratitude exercise is the daily list of three things for which you are grateful.  That works for some but not for everyone.  We are not all journaling people so daily entries of the three things may never become habit. 

On the other hand, recording it on our phone or even asking Alexa to remember it for us, may make all the difference.  If you like the daily three things for which you are grateful, look at enlisting technology to help you out.  That way, you can even replay and review, to hear how you are changing and growing over time.

If you are a commuter or a runner or have a few minutes of otherwise available mental space each day, open your head and your heart to experience gratitude.  You may choose to appreciate your surroundings or the special people in your life.  Whether it is a tree that is starting to bud, replaying your team’s successes or the joy your children bring to you, experiencing gratitude happens not just in your head but also in your heart.  Here, in fact, you are savoring an experience in a way that you can replay over and over again. 

Rather than savoring or writing, you may be a person of action.  Have you told your wife, your kids, your parents how much you love them – not just the ‘love you’ as you come and go but a fuller expression of your love.  Could be you even give them a token of your love.  Maybe, you’ll visit someone for whom you are grateful.  Or, in place of a visit, maybe send a note or text or photo.  Acting on your heartfelt gratitude is a gift of yourself to another; it changes you and it changes the person whom you’ve thanked.

The key to making gratitude work for your life is to adapt a practice to fit your ways.  When you make gratitude a regular practice in your life, you are taking a step to living your days with zest and happiness. 

Twelve weeks from today is New Years’ Day 2018!  It’s hard to imagine that 2017 is almost behind us but I’m afraid it is – almost behind us.  We’re in the last quarter of the year and we’re racing towards the holidays.  Halloween is one thing, but in fewer than 7 weeks, it will be Thanksgiving and you know what happens after that.  In what feels like minutes, it will be Christmas and Hanukkah and a week later, we’re celebrating the start of the New Year.

It feels as if 2017 raced right by.  Before we know it, we’ll be thinking New Year goals and resolutions.  But what about this year’s?  Now is a very good time to look at 2017.  Has it been a good year for you?  A momentous year?  Or, have you encountered bumps in your road?  Take a moment to look behind and ask yourself:

What were the highlights of this year?  What will you remember forever from this year?  Did you meet a new friend, start a new job, have a new child or grandchild?  Could be you traveled or learned something new.  

As you think of the good parts, make note of each and remember to congratulate yourself for the role you played in making each of them happen, in making it a good year for you.

What were your challenges?  Some years may be better than others so, did you run into anything that made this year more difficult?  How are you managing?  Do you have the help you need to get you through?  Have you reached  out to others so you don’t have to manage alone?

There are so many other ways to look at your 2017 experience, here are a few more.

• Goals  Did you start the year with goals you wanted to happen?  Did they happen?  If not, is there anything you can do in the weeks ahead to fix that?
• Fun  Did you have fun or happy times during the year?  Did you make sure you smiled – and found things to smile about? 
• Family & Friends  Our relationships make an immense difference in life.  What changed, either favorably or not, in your closest relationships?  What might you do in the next twelve weeks to strengthen or solidify these, especially with the holidays in mind?
• Growth, Hobbies  It may look as if I’ve returned to the idea of having fun and you wouldn’t be wrong.  As you look back and then ahead to the remainder of the year, those things you do that are pure expressions of you – whether gardening or golf, hiking or learning a language – give us a deep and needed satisfaction.
• Health  Checking up on your health is every bit as important as exercise and diet.  Do have need to check with your doctor, your dentist or anyone else?  How often do we mean to do these details but somehow our intense schedule gets in the way?  Remember you and your health!
• Work and Money  What did you plan for your work this year?  Did it happen and, if not, what can you do between now and 1/1/18?  Whether we love our work or it is a means to an end, it does require your thoughtful attention.
• Love Life  When you are married, partnered or otherwise committed, do you take time for just the two of you?  Taking time with your partner is immensely important.  Now, as a woman who didn’t marry til 50, I can assure those of you who do not have a current love, there is so much in our lives that is deeply fulfilling.  Instead of a romantic date, do the things in life you love doing.  I just bring up love life and romance because so many people forget to take time for the relationship.

We’ve twelve weeks during which we can add our own final spin on our year.  Plus, we’ll kick off our new year in strength.  May these be good weeks for you!

Success is not final, failure is not final: it is the courage to go on that counts.  Winston Churchill

It sounds so easy, you work hard and build your life, you go to school and establish a career, you meet your partner, buy your home and create a family.  Right?  Easy-peasy.  But then what, if you do all these things, is the rest of life just coasting?  What do you do over all those years?  Yes, you raise your kids, but that’s twenty years and then they’re off. 

It turns out that those early tasks are your training ground.  You are making habits that will serve you for your lifetime, habits of working to goals and making them happen.

It sounds so easy but things happen.  Companies get sold or they change their plans and let people go – not because the people weren’t good but because they were no longer part of the plan.  Sometimes we discover that we don’t even like our chosen career.  Or, marriages can fall apart.  Illness can happen.

Suddenly what seemed like a good life, one easily thought of as a successful life, can turn around. It can feel as if you’re veering of the road but you are not.  The thing that is so interesting about life is that it is not a straight line to nirvana.  There will likely be bumps but never, no never, think of them as failure.  It’s simply a time to reassess, roll up your sleeves and get to it.  It takes courage and it takes willingness to turn it around.

Another favorite quote comes from Amor Towles’ novel A Gentleman in Moscow, “If one does not master one’s circumstances, then she is bound to be mastered by them.”  When things go bump, it’s time to break out the courage and get on with it.

On the other hand, life doesn’t always take off at the beginning.  That’s terrible because it isn’t building your confidence in your success.  Still, it is not a lifelong sentence, frustration is not forever.  Remember to seek out a few people you admire and with them, develop a plan. Check in with them on your progress, make yourself accountable to the plan.  It’s mastering your circumstance and finding your success, your everyday success.

You are not alone in thinking that the world is moving oh, so quickly.  It is.  But it’s not just the pace of life today, it’s the high drama events that add to the intensity.  

Our phone beeps with incoming texts and tweets, emails and posts.  We waken to an intense schedule of work, to-do lists, ferrying the kids after school, managing the highs and lows of family and friends – all to the tune of incoming beeps and messages.  These are the things of our everyday lives.  Somedays it feels doable but other times it becomes too much.

This month, however, we’ve all sustained high drama moments with hurricanes ripping towns apart and leaving floods behind.  And, now, a mass murderer.  Even when we’re not the immediate victims of these horrific events, we feel them.  We want to act, to help, to smooth the path for those who’ve suffered.  Afterwards, we absorb what has happened.

It can be a high drama, fast-paced world which also means we each need to remember to take a moment for ourselves.  There are ways to calm the pressure that can build up inside us, the anxiety that results from feeling overwhelmed. 

Experience the moment.  To begin, stop the mental dialog that is running through your head.  We all do it, we plan dialogs, make lists, figure out dinner, plan the softball schedule.  Stop the dialog and bring your thoughts to the present moment.  You may choose to keep a favorite photo nearby to slow or settle your thoughts.  You may find taking a walk can bring calm, maybe even noticing the beauty of our world.

Gratitude.  While we hear this over and over, science has proved that a daily gratitude habit, grows one’s sense of well-being.  So, name the things that make your life good.

It’s not big things that return us to calm, a sense of normalcy and well-being; usually, it’s the small things.  Hugging babies.  Calling dear friends.  Working in your garden.  Listening to music or a hilarious podcast.  Moment by moment, we regain our equilibrium.

We have huge hearts.  When things go bad for other people, we care, we care deeply.  When others suffer, it’s our nature to help, to take action.  We’re a compassionate people with the willingness to stand up and be counted by helping in whatever way we can. 

When evildoers wreak horror, we stand united.  When winds destroy, waters flood and fires burn, we come together and we act.

While we stand united, the help we offer is different according to our own unique abilities.  First responders race to the scene providing aid to victims and helping to recover the salvageable.  Some first responders care for the injured, others work to recover infrastructure.  Still others work behind-the-scene whether by hugging and holding or by restoring and rebuilding.  Most recently, out of a need to be of help, people waited for hours in lines to donate blood.

In the case of mass murder, many among us courageously shield and care for their fellow beings, immediately giving of themselves to serve others.  In so doing, they foil the evil at hand.  As the victims are cared for, we then stop to look around and wonder how such an act is even possible.  Its enormity shakes us to our core; we are changed, forever changed.  As we come to know about such horrors, our humanness pulls us together. 

We are a deeply caring nation.  We stand united with victims of calamity.  We are bound by our humanity and our readiness to lend a hand, to support, to do something that can somehow make a difference.

It’s an investment of spirit.  In times of disaster, we are there for each other; we stand united.

Updated from my 2012 blog written at the time of another human calamity. 

You had a great weekend.  Now it’s Monday morning and you’re going to tell your friend at work all about it.  You want to make sure she gets just how special it was for you.  How will you tell her?  What words are you going to choose to make sure grasps its importance.

“It was amazing, it was awesome”, you say and she says, “that’s nice”.  You can tell she’s not feeling it, she isn’t experiencing your meaning.  You wonder why.  After all, awesome is an overwhelming feeling and that was your experience.

Unfortunately, awesome and amazing are so overused that they no longer mean what we want them to mean.  Today, it can be harder to express something that is exceptional to us because we’re used to hype.  Every day we hear exaggerations in advertising, in social media; everything is bigger and better and best which makes it hard to share that one weekend is better than another.

Instead, add a couple of words that describe what made it good for you.  Was it the people or a particular person?  Was it the experience itself, maybe a great concert, movie or performance?  Was it natural beauty like sky, water and more?  While you can name a weekend a wow, you can also add a sentence or two that explain yourself, that tells what made it better than your typical weekend.

     We danced all night       

     The music rocked my soul

     We hiked through a forest of golden leaves

     My daughter and I sang in a concert together

It doesn’t take a lot of words to express what made it so special for you and when you do, your friend will fully understand that you’d just had an exceptional weekend.  It’s easy to say, “it was amazing” but by adding just a few more words, you’ll tell so much more.

That’s right, there are actually happiness scientists.  They spend their days and their lives working to find the formula – what do we need to do to be happy.  Are you curious what they’ve learned?

One important happiness scientist is Sonja Lyubomirsky.  This mother of four is a psychology professor and author of the best-seller, The How of Happiness, A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. 

In her decades of research, Dr. Lyubomirsky uncovered the source of happiness.  Her results are so instructive that it’s easy to apply her findings to our own lives.

10% of our happiness comes from circumstance.  This includes all the things that happen in our lives – the good, the bad and the indifferent.  On the upside, it’s meeting the love of our dreams, finding our perfect job, buying a home – all the good things of life.  On the downside, it’s the loss of a job, illness, the death of someone we love and other painful life experience. 

50% of our happiness comes from our genetics.  We’re born to it, our ancestors handed down what amounts to about half of our personal level of happiness.  Yes, if you wish, you can point to your Great Aunt Monica or Grandpa Ben – not just for the color of your eyes but also for a large part of your happiness.

40% of our happiness is our own to decide – it’s our own mind, our own habits and our own actions that determine that much of our happiness.

Are you surprised?  It’s natural to want to poke holes, to say, yeah, but she didn’t know about the car crash that changed my life or that huge amount of money coming my way – those are circumstances that will change everything. 

Well, not so fast.  There will always be circumstances that make us either super happy or super unhappy.  It’s the way the world works.  What we don’t think about when we’re on a high or a low is that, in time, we’ll return to our original happiness point, the point before the happy or sad event.  We go back to our normal.  We adapt to the facts of our lives.  Changes become our new normal.

The forty percent solution

We’re in charge.  It’s what we do with what we’ve got that makes the difference.  If we’re super tall, it’s unlikely we’ll be successful as a jockey but we might consider basketball.  On the other hand, super tallness doesn’t have to dictate what we will or won’t do.  Could be we’re a math whiz who is a great dancer and a fabulous cook. 

How we work with what we’ve got – the circumstances and the genetic disposition – is what will lead us to happiness and well-being.  It’s what we could call the forty percent solution.  Perhaps the most tantalizing outcome of Lyubomirsky’s research is the discovery that we are in charge of forty percent of our happiness. 

It all adds up.  The things we do, the things we say, the things we think along with all the things we don’t do add up – the sum of all these things makes a difference in our happiness, in our feeling of well-being.

Resource:  Lyubomirsky, Sonja.  The How of Happiness, A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York, New York: Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 2007.

When we think about celebrations, our minds run to parties, presents and maybe even a toast or a dance. We’ve a lifetime of celebrations so our mind quickly imagines an event. We know weddings. We know showers. We know birthday parties. Those are the big celebrations, everyday celebrations are a bit different.

Everyday celebrations don’t require hoopla though they may require forethought and planning.  Quite simply, everyday celebrations recognize something special about another person, a person important in your life.

Everyday celebrations can happen every day or every other day or once a week or whatever timeline works in your relationship with the person you choose to celebrate. 

Everyday celebrations come in many forms.  It may be you leave notes for that special person.  When he travelled, my late husband knew to anticipate the cards and notes I slipped into his luggage.  He’d open one each evening before bed but he’d anticipated each message all day long. 

It could be you make a phone call or stop-by for a visit.  It might be you take a few minutes of one-on-one with each of your children.  It might be you establish a date night with your partner or spouse and make it a ritual.

What makes it a celebration?  It’s a celebration of your relationship when you focus on a special facet of the other person.  It’s a celebration when you recognize them.  It’s even a celebration when you hear out their deepest fears because you are caring for them and their unique needs.  It’s a celebration of your relationship when you remember to tell that other person how much you care.

What do you have to do to make it happen?  You’ll need to watch and listen.  To celebrate another person means you are thoughtfully aware of their life experience.  Perhaps your spouse or friend is fearful for their job.  Perhaps your person is training for a marathon, a mountain climb or even a crossword competition.  Well-timed thoughtfulness will encourage them in their endeavor, it will make them feel appreciated and you’ll feel pretty wonderful as well.

What do social psychologists say about everyday celebrations?  It’s like a glue, it helps to strengthen relationships.  They also note that the path to personal happiness is strewn with small, thoughtful acts on behalf of others.

One of the winningest basketball players of history, Michael Jordan, said, “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed.”  Jordan tirelessly practiced his sport; yes, he was talented but he always worked at his talent.

Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, the record player and batteries.  The inventive Mr. Edison described his path to success as loaded with discoveries.  He said, “I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

For Jordan it was practice.  For Edison it was a learning process.  We don’t see either as a failure; we only remember their wins because their ultimate wins were so big.  Edison also said that, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not know how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Too often, we think we should be able to get whatever it is we want to get immediately.  It’s easy to lose hope as we move along our path to whatever is in our sights, to our immediate goal.  Rather than lose hope, rather than give up, the answer is to narrow your focus and be willing to risk yet another attempt. 

Don’t let a failure foil your plan.  Allow for failure but don’t make it a habit.  Instead, ask yourself what caused the misstep; then, figure out how to improve on your next effort.  Success is often a matter of persistence and courage.

For more on how failure is often found on the path to success, read Megan McArdle’s just published The Up Side of Down: Why Failing Well is the Key to Success or Innovate Like Edison by Michael Gelb and Sarah Caldicott.

It may be your diet.  You’ve lost 12 pounds but now you are struggling.  You’ve even gained back a few of those pounds.  You just can’t get your diet momentum back.

Perhaps it’s the mile a day you promised yourself.  You made it through 19 days all in a row but now you’ve missed 6 days.

It might be you are looking for a new job.  You dove right in and sent out ten resumes each and every week for one whole month.  Then no more.  It’s been another month without a single resume.

There are plenty of ways to get stuck along the road to a goal.  We all do it.  There are stumbling blocks galore.  The real question is how to get back on track.

1. Learn from your stumbling blocks.  It is true that we all run into blocks.  To get to your success, use your stumbling blocks.  Figure out what happened, what got in your way.  Once you’ve identified the thing or things that can get in your way, it’s that much more certain you’ll get to your goal.
2. Appreciate the small stuff.  Think back to the things that made it work for you at the start of your quest.  Often, it is the tiniest details that become the foundation of our success.  What made you feel good, satisfied, and proud in that first week?  Find more of those; replicate the good experiences and sensations.  Identify the details that make your change work for you.
3. Break it into tiny actions.  Replace your afternoon cookie with an apple.  Put hand weights on your kitchen counter and as you wait for the microwave, use them!  Introduce tiny changes into your day and let them cumulate to bigger successes.
4. Appreciate your success.  12 pounds is success.  You may have more to go but you have a successful start; enjoy it.  40 job applications or resumes sent or networking calls made is a big deal.  Those 40 may not have resulted in the job you seek but you learned a lot in the process.  Appreciate that you learned; use what you’ve learned as tools in your next efforts. 
5. Make it a habit. Repeat your successes over and over.  Savor the sensation of success and then build on it.  Repeat those each and every day.

We like straight lines.  We want to race from deciding on a goal to achieving that goal.  We want to see ourselves atop a mountain after a steep climb pumping our arms in success.

Success is often the result of zigs, zags and rocky roads.  Never think of a road block or a stumble as failure; instead, recognize it as a mere zig on your road to success.

Breaking Deep-Rooted Habits

It wouldn’t be a habit if it weren’t something you’ve done over and over and over again without ever thinking about it.  Habits become ingrained.  We repeat them mindlessly.  Sometimes we call our habits routines – really?  Our routines become habitual.

We get up each day – some of us pop right into the shower, others pull on their sweats and work out, others race to the coffee pot.  It’s rare we vary our routine except for holidays.  Our favorite foods, our beverages, our daily activities – all the ones we repeat each and every day, these are habitual.

Habits and their routine are not bad things – in fact, they’re super helpful in this crazy, busy world we live in.   Otherwise, we’ d spend lots of time planning the same things over and over again.  So, habits are good and helpful.  Except when they’re not.  Here’s where we run ourselves into a challenge – repetitive can sometimes run us into hard to break habits.

If you are thinking about breaking a habit, start by thinking about what you are doing when you put that habit into action.  Is there a particular time of day or a particular social situation that means it’s time for your habit?  Pull the entire experience apart to find what drives you to the habit.  For example, when I wanted to quit smoking, I realized that I identified myself as a smoker and that I didn’t like the idea of saying I could never smoke again.  What did I do?  I decided to put smoking off; twenty years later, I continue to think of myself as a smoker though I haven't had a cigarette for over twenty years.  You can read more about how this worked at 15-minute wins.

Habit guru, Charles Duhigg, tells about his afternoon cookie habit that he wanted to change.  With thought, he figured out that his purpose for going to the cafeteria for a cookie was to chat with others – he needed a break and human contact!  His result, instead of stopping to chat with a friend in the cafeteria, they do it in a meeting room not laden with food.  And, he brings an apple!

This, of course, is just the first step.  And, it isn’t as easy as these two examples might imply.  Still, if you begin to pull apart what reminds you to practice your habit, you’ll likely find some clues that will help you to break that habit.

By now, you’ve likely decided where you’ll focus your energy in this year ahead.  Or, you’ve decided to pursue a resolution or goal.  To make this happen, to keep your promise to yourself, here are a couple of tips to help you on your journey.

• Take your big goal and divide it into small, manageable chunks.  If you want 2016 to be the year of fitness but haven’t worked out in a while, try three 20-minute sessions a week for the first month and grow from there.  If you want to lose a total of 15-pounds, start with your focus on 5-pounds.  Once you’ve lost those 5, you’ll be proud and energized to take on another 5 whereas if you lost 5 and you still have 10 more to go, it may seem just too hard.
• Congratulate your successes, encourage yourself if you slip.  That’s why small goals are so much more powerful – you get to congratulate yourself a whole lot and feel proud of what you’ve achieved.  Besides, smaller goals allow you to prove to yourself that you can do it, whatever you’ve decided ‘it’ is.
• Plan for slippage.  Think about all the things that can get in your way of getting to your goal.  Decide how you will foil the demons that want to stand in the way of your success.  If a battle pursues inside your head with old habits trying to combat your new you, decide what you want to say to those old habits.  Plan for this.  Or, it could be a friend won’t be as encouraging as you’d expected; plan how to handle that.  Also, don’t be surprised when you encounter inertia – you just don’t want a salad tonight . . . or, you can’t face the gym today . . . or, you think, “I’m just too tired to go to that job fair”.  Making a change is a big decision and you will experience internal resistance.  Rather than let your mind and old habits win, decide how you will manage all the affronts to your New Year Goal.
• Tackle one thing at a time.  Yes, you’ll likely be successful if you combine fitness and nutrition but your success will rest on taking on those small goals, not an earth-shifting massive goal.  On the other hand, if you want to focus on a new job, finding a new partner and making nutritional or fitness changes all at once, your chances of success are diminished.  Aside from the fact that our brain likes to keep things orderly, very few humans are able to make a lot of changes all at once.

Yesterday, on New Year Day 2, we discussed planning and action as the steps to your goal.  Today, on New Year Day 3, we’ve added a few success tips to get you to your goal.  Make 2016 your year of success.

It’s the second day of your new year, have you decided what kind of year it will be for you?  Or, have you named some goals or resolutions?  If you’ve done either of these, then it’s time to make sure your promises to yourself really happen.                                                                                                                                                                                      

This is where it gets hard.  It’s easy to decide on something, it’s a lot harder to make that something happen.  Whether it’s physical fitness or finding a new romance, everything takes a plan.  You have an idea for the year-ahead but without a plan, it won’t happen.  You’ll need a plan and once you have a plan, you’ll need to take action. 

Here’s where lists come in.  What actions of yours will make your year-ahead, your goals or resolutions happen?  Open a memo page on your phone or take out a blank piece of paper.  Write down everything you might do to make your goal happen – what steps do you need to take to make it happen?  Write for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, an hour.  Write til you’ve uncovered all the ways you can bring your goal to life.

If you are thinking fitness, you might list your favorite ways to exercise, the time of day you like to exercise, how much time it takes to do your favorite exercises and how many days a week you want to work -out.  You might even make an exercise calendar for the next two weeks.   Could be you’ll want to add a few nutrition ideas.  Write out every action you can think of that will improve your fitness. 

Don’t forget to plan for your lazy days, the ones where you don’t want to make the effort.  Before you even start, have a plan for inner resistance, the desire to chuck the whole idea.  Figure out what will make you get to work and get you to your goal.

If you’d like to meet a romantic partner in the year ahead, remember that organizations are a great way to meet new people.   Add friends who like to fix people up to your list. 

While making the list, don’t forget to plan your conversations with new people.  That’s right, if you join a sailing club for their great single’s events, will your conversation include sailing stories?  If you ask a film-buff for fix-up suggestions, be prepared for the possibility of meeting others who love the cinema.  Write down all the actions you could take that would lead to meeting a possible romantic partner and include the dialog.  Build your plan for your success.

It takes planning and then action.  Once you’ve made your plan, then you’ll put that plan into action.  Today, on the second day of the year, write your plan describing the actions you will take to make the year-ahead the one you choose it to be.

To begin, happy New Year!

On this first day of the year, many of us get into the list thing – making promises to ourselves for the year ahead.  Usually our promises require that we make a change – for some of us big a change, for others of us smaller, baby step kinds of change.  While we call these resolutions, really, they are commitments we make to ourselves.

Another way to start your year is to name the kind of year you’d like it to be.  Could be you’ll name it the year of nutrition or the year of healthier habits or the year of your best painting ever or the year of planting, maybe even the year of planning.

Could be you’d like to name it the new job year or the energetic year or the year of bliss.  It may be you’d like the year ahead to be your year of nurturing relationships.  Possibly, you want to do something that honors something you value and you name your year accordingly.

What do you want to do with your 365 days ahead?  Instead of making a list of change, think of your life just a bit differently and begin by naming your year ahead.

A recent FaceBook poster asked how she could fix her life.  To begin, I don’t know how to fix another person’s life – all my articles are about the tools and techniques I’ve used in my life.  Why do I do that?  Because one new idea just might spark a great idea for another person’s life.  In response, then, I’ll think about some of the things that have helped me in my life.

We are each a work in process.  We are learning about ourselves and our lives every single day. 

To begin, then, imagine yourself as an artist creating a beautiful work of art and that work of art is you.   Every single day you make choices and take actions.  Each choice we make, each action we take is much like an artist’s brush strokes; those choices and actions become an indelible part of our history.  Each day, we take responsibility; each day, we add to our self.

You are you with all the qualities that make you special.  Yes, you can make modifications by trying on different styles or altering your interests somewhat but your underlying beauty remains.  Each day, count the good things, your successes, the moments you smiled, the times you experienced sharing or the gift of yourself.

Life is not a smooth road.  We all make mistakes.  Often, we look at others’ lives and think, how come it’s so easy for them.  The truth is, it isn’t easy for any of us – we’re not in other people’s heads so we don’t know if the road they walk feels like silken sand or a bed of nails. 

What to do, then, if it feels as if a change is in order.  First, remember that life is a journey.  Each day can be a moment of change but change won’t happen in a moment.  Yes, we live in a world that demands instantaneous everything; reality, though, is that change is a step-at-a-time process.  Enjoy the path of change.  Embrace your successes, be kind about your missteps.

Identify the “fix” you seek.  Ask yourself about it.  Define what it is you seek and then make a list of all the steps you’ll take to get you to your goal.  What is the problem and what would be the fix?  Work on one thing at a time.  Everything takes time.  Back to our demand for the immediate: success is built on many small steps that you’ll take over time.

Enlist a confidant for your journey.  Make sure you chose someone who is a champion of you.

Be proud of the changes and choices and actions you take.  Enjoy your successes, appreciate that there will be difficulties along your path.  Always remember that you are the artist, the one responsible for your life. 

Now, when we are younger, we are not as certain of ourselves; we’re still learning about our self.  We’re not even certain that the choices we make or the actions we take are the right choices or actions.  We worry so, wondering just what we should do.  That is why it is helpful to keep your vision of yourself, that beautiful piece of art, in your mind.  To that vision, add your list of steps and actions that bring your vision to life.

This link takes you to The Journey of Life section of my website where you’ll find much more about change and habits and happiness.  Here’s hope we’ve sparked an idea for your life.  For now, my care and well-wishes are with each of you, my readers.

For a few moments, let your imagination run free.  You are going to throw a dinner party and you can invite anyone in the entire world – anyone whom you’d like to spend time with. 

Who Would You Invite?

You might start by dreaming up the categories of people you’d like to invite.   Will you invite friends?  Family?  Artists?  Actors?  Political leaders?  Religious leaders?  Celebrities?  Athletes?  Maybe you’ll combine categories. 

Will you want it to be an intimate dinner for two or a party of four or eight . . . maybe even more? 

Now, to add a bit of zing, you may decide to only include the people you most admire . . . living or dead.  That’s right, you might open your gathering up to include people who came before.  If you do that, you might consider Christ, Cleopatra or Johnny Carson. 

What Will You Serve?

You are hosting the event, what will it be like?  What will your guests experience?  How will it be memorable?  Will it mostly be conversation with just a bite to eat or will you create a fabulous meal?  Will you play games?  What about the music?

And, we certainly can’t forget, what will you wear?  Will it be something special so everyone recognizes you as the host?  Or, will you wear something to blend in?

What Will You Talk About?

There’s a reason for your choice of guests, what is that reason?  Your reasons may even become a part of the conversation.  Do you have questions for the people you plan to invite?  What do you want to know at the end of the event that you didn’t at its start? 

How will you turn the conversation so your desired subjects are included?  Will you kick everything off with a welcoming few words?

Time to Say Goodbye

Will you know when it’s time to say goodbye?  How will you feel at the end of your time together?  What will your dinner party have done for you?  What will it have done for your guests?  What will they be saying at the time of their departure?

In the end

In the end, you may wonder why on earth we’d go through this kind of an exercise.  Not only is it a pleasing mental exercise, it’s also illuminating.  It tells you about you; it fills in some of the details of what makes you happy.

Have you run, skipped or jumped today?  What about a joke, have you told a joke?  At the least, have you smiled broadly, one of those big smiles that you can feel throughout your body? 

A moment of fun lightens the spirit.  It releases the tension.  It dispenses with the angst.  It gives you a moment of relief and relaxation.  It even reminds us that life is to be enjoyed.

It’s so easy to get into our minds, to list the day’s actions, to follow the routine in our head.  We can even start our exercise – which should be pleasing if not fun – counting out our plan for the work-out rather than enjoying the great sensations of movement.

Speaking of movement, have you danced today?  Even just a little wiggle to a great piece of music can lighten our heart.  Go for it, have a bit of fun today! 

It turns out, I’ve been waiting for the sun.  With the days a bit longer and the sun a tad brighter, suddenly my diet seems pretty easy.  Since New Year’s, I’ve struggled, trying to diet but have managed to fail at each start.  In the week since we changed to daylight savings time, my diet has seemed easy.

This is my ‘learning moment’.  In the future, I’ll not start a diet mid-winter.  I’m a sunny-day person so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

Are you waiting for “the right moment” to start something?  Can you name what that right moment is?   Does it make sense or is it a delay tactic?  Maybe you can’t even figure out why you are not making the change you actually want to have happen. 

Is there something in the back of your mind, something you are holding out for?  Is your change something you could actually be doing today?  Perhaps you are waiting for permission to make the change.  Who would give that to you and why wouldn’t you be the person to decide?

Why not make today the first day of whatever it is you wish to be?

On YouTube, the Talking Twin Babies have 95 million views and First Kiss has 30 million views.  Those babies and kissers have reached phenomena level with something as simple as a few minutes of home video.  They even make money from the ads on these happy videos.

Facebook.  Dropbox.  Pinterest.  WhatsApp.  All were started by people who are still in their twenties.  Twitter’s founders are about 40.  Spanx was started by a woman who wanted different underwear.  Under Armour was started by a guy who didn’t like t-shirt material because his sweat made it too heavy.  Every one of these founders is a billionaire. 

It turns out that 75% of all billionaires in the world today, made their money themselves.  No inheritances for them; instead, they imagined a product they wanted and they made it.  Happily, other people thought their product ideas were pretty good as well.

The common thread for this group of people is that they ran with their idea.  They made it happen.  Another common thread is that each is pretty young.  Do these things mean they’re overnight successes?  Certainly, they have achieved notoriety.  Plus, some have significant financial success.  It’s also likely that each and every one of these people enjoyed their experience – following your passion can be fun. 

Whatever the path to success, whether it’s overnight or over years, those who’ve taken the path have worked hard as they brought their idea to life.  Some have a natural talent – maybe acting, singing or at writing code.  They may manage that gift to reach heights. 

Overnight success doesn’t even require natural talents.  With dedication and hours of hard work, a great idea can be nurtured to success.

What does it take to make it a great day for you?  What happens in a day when, at its end, you think, this was a success?

A day’s success is different than a lifetime’s success.  A lifetime is loaded with ways to measure success.  A day, those 24 little hours, are usually not quite so huge or complex.  That’s not to say that a day might not be momentous.  We have plenty of big days in our lives – graduations, weddings, meeting the one person we’ll love, job offers, the birth of a child and on and on. 

There are days that are significant but that’s not what we’re about today.  Today we’re thinking about your everyday, the days that are your more usual kinds of days.  What makes those days successful for you?  It’s a great practice to use today’s good and not so good events as a guide for tomorrow.

To get to daily success, though, means you’ll name the things you do each day that bring positive results and a sense of satisfaction.  Those are the things you make a practice, those are the things that become habit.

Conversely, make note of the things in your day that have a negative outcome or just plain don’t feel good.  Those are the things you’ll want to stop.

“There is no beginning too small.”  Those wise words of Thoreau’s prove themselves true over and over again.  My friend, Betty, while doing chemo, viewed her success in small chunks – we called it her “making it to lunch” approach to each day.  We looked at the events of her every day, we broke her day into small segments and that helped her confront adversity.

A day of success doesn’t just happen; instead, a day of success is yours to create.  A day of success is a source of happiness.

I just made a mistake and I can feel it.  The more my brain grasps that I made a mistake, the higher my blood pressure goes.  I can feel my cheeks burning, they’re turning red and my heart is racing. 

Such strong sensations: our entire body reacts to the fact of a mistake; it goes against our grain.  Suddenly our very core is challenged. 

When you think you are doing the right thing and discover that it’s exactly the wrong thing, our whole body reacts.  It becomes physical.  It even feels a bit defensive – probably because our mind is trying to figure out how this new fact that used to be wrong is now right.

Breathe.  Sit down and breathe a moment.  Close your eyes and try to slow your brain; ease it from its mad whirl.  Wrong, I’m wrong.  But, how could I be wrong?  I’m not wrong, I don’t make mistakes.  Well, as it turns out, yes, I do make mistakes and now I’m trying to manage that fact.

The only solution is to calm down.  Once that happens, I can take a look at what happened so I can help my mind understand.  It is a learning moment even if it feels just terrible. 

We all make mistakes.  That’s right, while we don’t like to think so, while are so very certain we are never mistaken, it actually does happen. 

What to do when you are suddenly confronted with the fact of a mistake?  First, give yourself time to process your physical and emotional reaction; your surprise may strengthen your response.  Before you share with others, work at regaining your composure. 

Take deep, calming breaths with closed eyes.  To fix mistakes means you need your full brain power and focus.  That means you need to be fully in control.  Process the physical and emotional side of the mistake.  Then, own up to the mistake and fix it if that is possible.  Finally, figure out how to avoid a repeat of the mistake.

For the last time in this brief series, we return to considering what kind of person we are.  While this is the first time Everyday Success blog has addressed the subject, we’ll return to it now and again.  In the meantime, as always, we’ll appreciate your thoughts and ideas.

The idea for these posts came from a recent interview in which we learned that a fashion designer knew early in her life what kind of woman she wanted to be.  That made us wonder, what defines us a person.  

Your purpose in life.  This is a difficult question.  Some of us appear to know exactly what to do with their life while others of us struggle to find our place in the world.  It could be you’ve not even spent time considering your purpose.

If you’ve not yet identified your purpose in life, begin by reviewing the words you’ve gathered in response to all the categories we’ve considered in this series – physical presence, personality, relationships and values.  Then, start picturing your purpose.  Write and rewrite.  Trial balloon ideas to see what feels right for you.

While writing, ask yourself about your passions, the things you love doing.  What is it you are doing when you lose track of time?  Those are the things that bring you deepest satisfaction.  And, those are the things that offer a glimpse into your purpose. 

If, after writing and thought, you still struggle with identifying your purpose in life, start a dialog with a close friend, a partner or perhaps a sibling.  Be sure you choose someone who cares about your well-being.

This is not a test; there is no right or wrong purpose.  Purpose is uniquely you; it’s what you are all about.  Not only that, it may take you some time to decide what your true purpose really is. 

Your hallmarks.  Finally, what are your hallmarks?  Hallmarks are things that make you especially distinctive.  Hallmarks are different from all the other categories.  For example, a hallmark related interests might be your work on behalf of animal rights.  Or, a physical attributes might be your red hair or an artful and ever so visible tattoo. 

Some women have selected a piece of jewelry as a hallmark.  Others, like Carrie Bradshaw, make their love of shoes a hallmark.  Hallmarks are not your purpose.  Rather, they are a demonstration of a particular personal passion. 

Hallmarks speak volumes about who you are.  What would you say are your special hallmarks? 

In Conclusion

Now that you’ve thought more deeply about the kind of person you are, again, what are the three words you used to describe yourself at the start of this series? 

______________,  ______________,  ______________,  ______________

Were three enough?  As you’ve likely concluded after reading these blogs, there’s so much that describes each of us.  That's why we've added a fourth entry line above.  You may want to use ten words, maybe even more.  What kind of a woman are you?  What kind of a man are you?  The answer may not be clear to you today but your life’s journey will be guided by the kind of person you choose to be.

On Friday, we began thinking about what kind of person we are.  Why?  After reading recently that a fashion designer knew early in her life what kind of woman she wanted to be, it made us wonder, what defines us a person.  

There are so many ways to think about the kind of person we are.  Plus, there are so many descriptors within each category.  On Friday, we began by naming the countless ways to describe our physical presence and our personality.  Today, we’re considering our relationships and values – both contribute to how we define ourselves as a person.

Relationships.  It’s easy to name our relationships.  We’re employees, bosses and peers, we’re partners or spouses, we’re parents and we’re children.  Plus, of course, we are friends. 

But that’s not all there is to relationships.  How you participate in a relationship is as important as the fact of the relationship.  As a friend, do you initiate things with others or do you wait for others to make things happen?  How do you handle each of these relationships?  Are you a nurturer in your relationships?  Do you listen to the people in your life?  Do you like lots of relationships or just a few?  

What are the words that describe the essence of you in each of your relationships?   ______________,  _______________, ____________

Your values.  What do you value most?  Your marriage or commitment to your partner will likely top the list.  Your children are likely right at the top as well.  If that’s the case, then family values will make your list. 

Before we go further, though, let’s look at what values are.  They are the guiding principles of your behavior.  Values are the aspects of life where you attach greatest importance.  Usually, we carry some variation of our core values for life.

There are so many kinds of values and you know in your heart, which are most meaningful to you.  To get your thinking going, here are just a few of the values people hold dear.  Integrity.  Faith/religion/spirituality.  Personal vision of success.  Compassion, light-heartedness, balance.  Dedication, loyalty, commitment, allegiance, single-mindedness.  Your work.  Your life’s work.  Your leisure time activities. 

How you personally put your values into action is what makes you most special.  You may be big-hearted, hard-working, light-at-heart, an animal lover, conservative, liberal, libertarian, family-oriented, an artist, athletic, an animal lover, a civil libertarian, political, apolitical, musical, freedom-loving, kind. 

As you name your values, you may think your list is too great.  Not true, highlighting your most meaningful values is important.  These are the values you hold most dear, the values by which you live your life.

Once you identify your values, decide which you hold most dear, which identify you.  Make note of these.  ____________,  ____________,  __________

On Wednesday, we’ll take one last look as we consider the kind of person we are.  Until then, you may choose to add, cross-out or make any other kind of change as you express the kind of person you are.  We are each extraordinary.  Slowly, over time, we polish and perfect ourselves.

A fashion designer recently said that she knew what kind of woman she wanted to be before she knew what kind of career she’d have. That made me wonder, what kind of a woman am I?  What kind of woman/man are you?  Interesting to think about but it's a question with a gazillion answers.

We often use monikers about ourselves and others.  I’m musical.  She’s elegant.  He’s all business.  They’re the nerds.   He’s so much fun.  She tells the best stories.  They’re collectors.

Before we go any further, quick, what are the three words you’d use to describe you?   ______________,  ______________,  ______________.

There’s the physical.   Are you agile, quick on your feet?  Do you walk like a dancer, with rhythm or is your walk more athletic?  Do you move with purpose?  Are you energetic or slightly lethargic?  Do you stand tall or is your stance a bit rounded?  Before we even get to size and shape, there are so many physical descriptors.  What are yours?   

There’s personality.   There are as many personality styles as there are humans.  Actions, thoughts, feelings and attitudes – these are the things that make up a personality.

Thoughtful, kind, angry, hard-working, lazy, wise, thoughtless, caring, sweet, mean, bitter, friendly, unfriendly, leader, follower, doer.  We could fill pages with personality characteristics.  What describes your personality? 

Don’t forget that our personality may have different shades or degrees – our public style, our friends and family style, our business style and on.  Still, our basic personality crosses the many parts of our life. 

On Monday, we’ll continue our look at some of things that express the kind of person you choose to be.  In the meantime, you might collect the words that best describe you.

Will this winter ever end?  Where are you on that question?  Right now, it’s 16 degrees at two in the afternoon and it’s snowing.  That should give you a sense of where I am on the subject.  We’ve done enough of the slog through slosh.  It’s time to put the boots away.  It’s time for a warm sun and the brilliance of spring flowers. 

Spring Arrives  in Three Weeks

That’s right; at about Noon on March 20, we’ll reach spring.  But, of course, that’s in name only.  Until those buds pop through the earth, until tulips populate our world, until then it’s really still winter.

What to do?  To begin, remember your smile.  Have you ever noticed that when you just plain smile, your body feels a bit easier?  It’s a simple act, to smile but it does lighten our heart.

Share your smile with the people in your life.  When you enter a room, when you pick up the phone, have your smile ready.  People will respond warmly and suddenly you’ll realize that your spirit is Spring-like even if the sky’s still grey and the temp below freezing.

Buy flowers.  Wear colorful clothing.  Maybe even buy a spring outfit.  Tell jokes.  Walk the mall if you can’t get outside.  Put a “spring” in your step.  Make a lemon meringue pie or a fruit salad.  Keep smiling even when another inch is on its way.  Laugh a lot.  Plan your garden.  Plan your summer vacation. 

As spring draws near, remember to celebrate the signs of new life, the leaf buds, the longer days, the flowers.  Spring is a time of hope; let’s hope it comes quickly!

You can see it in your mind, the you who has taken time to be calm, the you who is fit and ready for action, the you who is climbing that ladder at work – in every case you are winning the day.  You’ve made your plan, you are set for action.  You are ready for the change that will take you to that new place.

But, wait!  Did you remember to plan for the fact that you are changing you?  That’s right, the you who is a jangle of nerves from overload, you are going to make a change.  The you who is at her desk all day at work and when home munches on popcorn in front of the tube, you are going to make a change.  The you who sells herself short at work, you are going to make a change.

This is the hardest part of change.  We all know what we “should” do to be fit or calm or get promotions, even to save that down payment.  The hard part is that YOU ARE CHANGING YOU.

What to do?  First, don’t start with too big a goal and pay close attention to yourself with your first steps.  Did you forget to do what you wanted to do?  Or, did it just feel not quite right?  If you are known as the ‘yes’ person people can count on, how do you learn to say no?  If it’s your habit to diminish your value at work, you may stumble over the words or actions that change that. 

It feels uncomfortable

Whether you seek 5 little minutes of daily calm or a promotion or to stop playing computer solitaire, change takes you outside your comfort zone.  It’s new and it often doesn’t feel quite right.   Certainly not at the start.

That brings us right back to the fact that to make a change means you are changing you.  Your goal, then, is to make it become “right” and the only way for that to happen is to practice your change enough, to make the change you seek yours.  Yes, you’ll feel uncomfortable or squirmy or even testy.  But that won’t last.  If you let yourself move through, you’ll get to the other side where your change becomes your reality.

Start small and accept that your change won’t feel like you at the beginning.  With practice, you’ll likely surprise yourself, you’ll make it yours. 

Charles Duhigg in his book, The Power of Habit, tells of his personal effort to replace an afternoon cookie.  To begin, he kept a watchful eye, noticing his physical and emotional sensations when it neared the time for his daily cookie.  He realized he wasn’t just hungry for food, there was something more.  Ultimately, he replaced that cookie with an apple and a brief chat with a friend.  He ended up fulfilling both the physical and emotional need.

Find the things that fulfill you as you make your change.  Day by day, practice the new and distance yourself from the old.  Soon, you’ll find you are becoming more and more comfortable with the new.  Still, keep an eye out for those old ways, they’ll keep coming after you.  Use the strength you gained in making the change to foil any challenges to your success.

Today, we are connected and in control.  That’s just the way it is and that’s also one reason change can be difficult.  We want things to happen now not six months from now. 

Successful change, however, means you’ve been systematic - you've gotten to your goal a step at a time.  That’s not always easy; a slow march to a goal can make us impatient.  Instead of impatience, shoot for a lot of small successes. 

Setting timelines

Some goals come with a date attached.  Your goal may be tied to a special event like a wedding or a marathon.  Maybe it’s a trip you are planning.  Or, you may be saving to buy a home.

Whether you have a specific date in mind or not, setting a timeline will help you as you get to your goal.  This is where you begin to move your imagined goal to your reality.

For many goals, there’s likely a number involved.  How many pounds you want to lose, how much you want to save for your trip or down payment, those are easy numbers to imagine.  But, what about quitting smoking?  It’s easy; you can name the number of hours, days and weeks you go without smoking.  Getting to a career can even be translated into a timeline.

With an event deadline, your timing is obvious and comes down to a simple formula:

Divide your goal (number of miles, pounds, dollars, etc.) by the number of weeks or months to the event.

If you want to lose twenty pounds in five months, that’s

20 pounds / 5 months = 4 pounds a month

Simply divide your goal (20 pounds) by the amount of time you have to achieve your goal (5 months).  The result?  To lose 20 pounds in 5 months, you’ll want to lose 4 pounds each month. 

To take it further, 5 months is 20 weeks.  Dividing 20 pounds by 20 weeks shows that at 1 pound each week for 20 weeks, you’ll reach your 20 pound goal.

If you need $2,000 for your trip and you’re leaving in 6 months, you’ll want to save about $80 a week or $335 each month. 

$2,000 / 6 months = $355 in savings each month

If your goal is to quit cigarettes, you’ll look at your timeline just a bit differently.  In fact, you don’t even need math to use numbers when quitting smoking.  You just need to count.  It’s been fifteen minutes since I had a cigarette.  It’s been 15 hours since I had a cigarette.  It’s been 15 days . . . and on and on. 

Why a timeline?

1. With a timeline, you’ll quickly see whether your goal is too big or too small.  If you’re training for your first marathon, you can’t start with a 5-mile run.  Rather, you’ll build your endurance over time.  The same is true for savings.  You may want to have a down payment by the end of the year but can you save enough each month to get you to your goal?
2. By breaking your big goal into smaller actions, your likelihood for success grows.
3. With a timeline, you’ll reach lots of smaller goals/successes - each one to be celebrated.  That’s right, make getting to your goal fun.  With plenty of smaller successes, you are creating a strong foundation for longer-term success.
4. With a timeline, you’ll build your confidence that you can reach your goal.
5. With a timeline and multiple smaller goals, should you slip-up and miss a small goal, you can get back on track without blowing your big goal.

With a timeline, you can allow for a moment of failure without failure becoming a habit.  Small steps are the building blocks of success.

It’s an unintended demonstration – and a pretty public one.  I blew one of my most important New Year’s resolutions, to blog three times a week.  What happened?  I failed to succeed because I failed to plan.  Well, I planned to write, I just didn’t plan what I would write.

To make change happen, to take your goal or resolution from an idea to the real thing, means you need to think ahead, you need to figure out what actions to take before you even start.

What can I do about it?  I can sit myself down at my computer and PLAN.  It’s time to dust off my disappointment and the embarrassment.  It’s time to start again.  But first, the plan. 

In my particular case, I didn’t break my goal into small easy steps – I didn’t make a list of the specific blogs I planned to write over the next few weeks.  Instead, I wrote a lot of stuff at the start but without a plan, none of it took shape into real blogs. 

What happened next?  It’s what happens to so many resolutions, I stopped writing.

Does it sound familiar?  It’s much like starting a diet or an exercise program.  It takes more than just a decision to make the change happen; first you need to plan how you’ll make your change happen.  Otherwise, it is so easy to stop.

I’ve worked out a plan.  Every week, I have to imagine blog subjects and make a list of the blogs I won’t even start for another two weeks.  Every week, I’ll think up three or four ideas for blogs a couple weeks down the road.  That way, I’ll have time to think about them before I write.  And, when I sit down to write, I’ll know what I’m supposed to write about.

It’s exactly the same as deciding to prepare for a marathon.  You’ve got your running shoes.  You plan to start running four days a week.  But did you plan on that storm?  Are you going to run in snow and ice?  What’s your back-up plan for a rainy day?  To make it still harder, what will you do to make sure you get your runs in and keep up your demanding work schedule?  With a plan, you can make it happen.  If you don’t have a plan, then what will you do when you open your door and all you see is an icy cold? 

It’s the same for a diet.  Have you planned what your family will eat while you are making changes?  Have you planned for diet boredom?  What will you do when you go out to eat with friends?  If you ask yourself these kinds of questions, if you think ahead, you’ll be ready to take on the world.

The weird thing is, it’s so easy.  Once you work out how you are going to make change happen, all you have to do is work your plan.  It’s time to get back on track.

We’re wired.  We like things that are instantaneous.  We’re in a world where we want whatever we want right now. 

That makes resolutions pretty difficult.  Often, our resolutions are for goals that take time.  But, darn it, we want it right now.  Instead, we’re faced with doing it again and again week-after-week and month-after-month and that can be tough.  Making resolutions happen can get pretty boring.  That is why many resolution-makers give up by mid-March.

Making resolutions happen means you’ll embrace the reality of your goal.  When we lose weight, it’s two pounds a week – if we’re lucky.  If we’re training for a marathon, it takes months of running to grow our stamina.  If we’re saving for a down payment, it can take a year or two or three. 

All of this means that to win at resolutions, to get to your goal, you need a plan, a timeline and check-points.  Change can happen; count on it.  We’ll start with the plan and over the next few days, we’ll cover the timeline and ways to keep to your plan.

The Plan. 

Rather than dive into a huge goal, remember that there’s more to your goal than a decision.

Break your goal into small, seemingly easy steps.  Small goals are so much more achievable than one huge goal.  If it’s twenty pounds you seek, then look at it in five pound increments.  If it’s a marathon, start with 3 or 5 mile sprints.  If it’s a down payment, celebrate each and every $1,000 you set aside.  That’s right, the  other benefit from taking small steps to your goal – you congratulate yourself for every single success along the road to your goal. 

Plan for the gazillion details that get between you and your goal.  The devil is in the details.   It’s a quote we’ve long heard and it absolutely relates to goal-setting.  There’s so much more than the actual goal.  So, start with a list of all the things you’ll have to do to make it happen. 

For example, if you are planning weight loss, there’s much more than naming a diet.  You’ll want to create menus, figure out shopping lists, decide which restaurants will allow you to stick to your plan. 

Decide whether to tell others.  That may seem a strange consideration but social scientists have uncovered counter-intuitive data.  It turns out that those who are most successful at achieving change in their lives have not shared their plans with many.

Prepare for naysayers.  What will you say?  Count on it, there will people who will tell you that you won’t make it, that it is just too hard.  Prepare your dialog.  What will you say to those who try to throw cold water on your plans.

With a plan, you’ve greatly increased your chances for success.  On the next posts, we’ll look at setting a timeline and ways to check in on your progress.

Happy New Year!  Here’s to one mighty terrific year for you and yours.

It’s natural to be reflective as we turn the calendar, as we move on to another new year.  How many New Years have you celebrated?  Do you celebrate the same way each year?  Is 2014 somehow different?  What will make it different?

It’s natural for our thoughts to turn to resolutions, to decisions about what we’ll do differently in the year ahead.  It’s very human to look back and then look ahead and sometimes modify our path.  It’s also easy to simply name the same old resolutions and leave it at that. 

Same Old Resolutions

But, wait!  Before going with the same old resolutions, stop and think about them.  Are you in a resolution rut?  Do you name the same ones each and every year but never quite make them happen?

Instead of going with the same old, ask yourself a few questions.

1. What kinds of changes or resolutions work in your life?  In other words, what can you make happen?
2. Why haven’t you succeeded with some of your resolutions?  It’s true.  Most of us do not succeed with our resolutions.  By March, most of the diet and fitness resolutions have fallen aside.  Instead, let’s make 2014 the year that works for you.  Be honest and remind yourself why you haven’t succeeded with past resolutions.
3. Using your strengths, how can you craft resolutions you can actually make happen?

What Matters Most to YOU in 2014?

What will make the year ahead a special year for you?  Perhaps there is already something special about 2014 in your life.  If not, do you want there to be something different about this New Year?

Write a sentence or two – or, instead, draw a picture.  What resolutions will get you to your goal AND what resolutions can you actually make happen?  Imagine; what will be different at the end of 2014 if you make these resolutions happen?  With those images in mind, name the changes or choices that matter most to you.

For example, I’m naming 2014 my Tina Turner Year.  Why?  Because I’m in sort of good shape but my legs could get stronger and I could be leaner.  She has incredible legs and she is fabulously fit – who at her age can perform the way Tina Turner does?  Other reasons?  Because she is mentally disciplined and knows how to satisfy her fan base.  I can picture my physique at the end of 2014 and I can also imagine working to make Everyday Success a place that is good for my audience.

That’s what matters to me.  It's not necessary to pattern your resolutions on another person.  I use it as an example that shows the process of identifying the things that matter most for one person. 

What about you?  What matters most for you in 2014 and how can those things be translated into resolutions?  

What Can YOU Make Happen?

That's right, it is all about you and the resolutions that are right for you.  As you create your resolutions, be sure you are naming those things you can actually make happen.  Over the next two blogs, we’ll look at creating a plan and timeline plus we’ll develop ways to check in on you over the year.  Let’s make 2014 the year when we make our resolutions happen.

On this day of peace and joy throughout the world, take a moment to reflect.  Within each of us is a compass, an inner knowledge of our own unique path.  Whatever else you choose for 2014, make it a year in which you imagine and explore.  Make it a year to reset if necessary.  Make it a year that expresses your essence.  Make it a year in which you believe in yourself.  Follow your North Star.

Before starting on resolutions, it helps to first look at your strengths and weaknesses.    Take a look back over 2013, to remember your best moments, your greatest successes?  As you do so, take note of your greatest strengths.

To help your recall, make a chart with two columns on which you’ll take notes as you look back.  It doesn’t have to be a paper chart – it could be in your mind or notes on your tablet.  One column is your strengths column.  The other column is for your vulnerabilities.  Or, you could use the word weaknesses – we all have one or two.

Under the strengths column, list the things you’ve undertaken that worked, that gave you the most satisfaction, those that you consider successful.  Still under the strengths column, add the details of each success, especially how you made it happen.  As you do so, highlight your strengths, those special aspects that are uniquely you.

For an even deeper look at your strengths, you might take the Character Strengths Profile.    It only takes twenty minutes and at the end, you’ll receive an analysis of your core strengths.

Under the vulnerabilities/weaknesses column, take note of those things that didn’t work out as well as in your last year.  Perhaps you started a diet but didn’t succeed.  Or, you may have tried out for a promotion and didn’t succeed.  What might have stood in the way of reaching your goals?

Sometimes we are overly critical of ourselves.  Be sure to give yourself credit where it is due.  That means recognizing the successes in your life.  If you are unsure about your successes, ask a friend to help you enumerate your successes and your strengths. 

On the other hand, be sure you don’t inflate your strengths.  The goal is to make our resolutions happen and that means we have to rely on our strengths not our weaknesses.
Make 2014 the year you use your strengths.
 

We’re still shopping and writing cards and checking things off our holiday lists. It all comes quickly at this point in the year.  Holiday celebrations are immediately followed by the start of a new year. 

We’re pretty good at buying gifts and wrapping them.  We can pick up the groceries and prepare holiday feasts.  We know all the words to most of the songs of the season.  What we don’t always prepare as carefully is our plan for the New Year. 

Often, we don’t plan for our own self.  It’s so easy to race through our every day with little time to reflect.  When pressed for a resolution, it’s easy to name a couple of really big things we know we’d like to get done.  But, is there a plan, the thing that actually makes them happen?

Before naming resolutions this year, take a bit of time to figure out which are the ones that would be most meaningful to you – and, how you’ll make them happen. 

Looking Back to See Ahead

The New Year is two weeks off.  You don’t have to have the answer this afternoon.  To begin, it helps to look back. 

What were your successes in 2013?  In fact, what are your lifelong greatest successes?  What have you done that brought you the greatest pride?  What have you done that made you the happiest?  What have you done that gave you an inner sense of fulfillment?

After that, think about what you did to accomplish those successes.  What actions did you take that made the difference?

Next, what didn’t happen in 2013 that you wish had happened?  Are those things still important?  Were they failures?  Did you try to make them happen but didn’t succeed?  Or, did they not happen because the steps weren’t taken to make them happen?

There’s no reason to feel downhearted about your answers.  Instead, over the next week or so, we’ll create a plan that allows for the realities of life and gets you to your goal.  Over the next week or so, we’ll:

1. Look at what’s worked and what hasn’t worked in the past. 
2. Decide what matters most for the year ahead. 
3. Create a realistic plan and a timeline. 
4. Develop ways to make sure you are successful over time.

But first things first.  Before looking forward, take a realistic look back to measure your strengths.  You’ll use those strengths to make your next successes happen.

Black cats, broken mirrors and Friday the 13th lead the long list of ominous omens that bring fear to the hearts of the superstitious.  We don’t even have to be very superstitious.  We learned these omens in childhood which means they’ve been with us for our lifetime.  That is likely why each omen seems to take on a life of its own.

We think of Friday the 13th as an inauspicious day, a day fraught with risk, a dangerous kind of day.  In doing a bit of research, I discovered that Friday has long been considered a day of misfortune.  Did you know?  I did not.  The truth is, many of us find Fridays to be happy days as they signal the end of our work week and the start of our playtime.

There are some among us, however, who won’t begin a new project or even embark on travel if it’s a Friday.  In Christianity, Good Friday represents the crucifixion, the lowest point on their religious calendar.  Fridays for some signify misfortune.

Then there is the number.  We do not associate 13 with good fortune.  The number 12 has all sorts of good luck attributes but 13 does not. Some among us even worried about our calendar year – 2013.  Would it bring good fortune or not?  What’s your answer, was it a year of good fortune for you?

Not everyone agrees on the day or the number.  In Spain, it’s Tuesday the 13th that sets off shivers.  The Greeks, too, fear Tuesday the 13th.  In Italy, it’s Friday the 17th that is fraught with anxiety. 

In 2008, a Dutch organization looked at Friday the 13th accident rates and discovered that there are fewer accidents, fewer fires and less theft on that date.  Their conclusion?  That people are generally more cautious on those days and that prevents accidents, fires and robberies.

There’s at least one Friday the 13th each year but never more than three.  Today’s is the second Friday the 13th for 2013.  Next year we’ll only have one – in June.

There’s a long list of superstitions that keep the superstitious busy throughout the year.  Other bad luck signs are walking under a ladder, opening an umbrella indoors and that old bugaboo, breaking a mirror brings on seven years of bad luck.  Oh yes, and the kids will remind us that to step on a crack breaks our Mother’s back.

May your Friday the 13th be a day of good fortune!

It’s one of the cheeriest times of the year - but not for everyone.  Some among us have to work at lifting their spirits especially when in the presence of manic happiness.

In Holiday Delights, we looked at many of the ways the season can lift spirits.  Incredibly, that long list is not even a complete list.  Good cheer is the name of the game and that’s when less cheery sensations can also crop up.

It’s everywhere.  The world appears to have be decorated.  People are busily running to and fro.  They look merry, don’t they?  Parties and dinners and concerts and caroling.  It’s all meant to heighten the experience.  But it can also have the opposite effect. 

Instead of cheer, other seasonal emotions can be overwhelmed, stressed, sad and even depressed and depleted.  When others appear to be tripping the light fantastic, some of us are magnifying our personal flaws and worries. 

This is a time when some among us look at our lives and don’t see the life they’d once imagined.  This is a time when instead of counting the good, some are counting the negative.  Try as we might, it can be a time when joy is elusive.  Everyone else seems to have found it but we can’t.

First of all, remember, you are not alone.  I’ll repeat that, you are not alone when you experience holiday blues.  It is so prevalent that it’s the subject of this blog.  Those who are down-hearted can barely stand the fact of the holidays.  They’re just not in a jolly place and they don’t want to go there. 

A few thoughts:

Confide in a friend, in a professional counselor, in your pastor or spiritual guide.  Talking can help.  It’s important to express your feelings.  Plus, your friend, counselor or pastor offer helpful insight.  They might even help to change your perspective.  If nothing else, interaction with another who is caring helps.

Watch the sugar and alcohol.  An excess of sugar and alcohol can put our body chemistry into a tailspin that heightens sadness and depression.  It’s not the calories that matter here, it’s what sugar and alcohol can do to start or heighten an emotional downturn.

Get rest.  A good night’s sleep can calm even the most anxious.  Unfortunately, a down-hearted period can be accompanied with sleeplessness.  Follow all the healthy sleep rules.

Exercise.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you say.  It’s 19 degrees and who wants to be out of doors?  Wherever you do it, work up a sweat and get your heart pumping.  You’ll sleep better.  Plus, regular exercise can actually help to dissipate an emotional low.

Count!  That’s right, be sure you count.  Find one or two things each morning that are good.  At bed time, ignore the failures of the day and instead look at whatever could be construed as good.  Don’t forget to count.

Choose.  Select one or two holiday traditions and enjoy those.  It could be listening to music.  Perhaps it will be singing.  You may choose decorating a tree or baking cookies.  Whatever it is, do it and savor the moment.

You may not achieve holiday glee but that’s not the purpose here.  Taking it small and easy as you protect your emotions will help you fashion your unique path for your holidays.

Surviving is important.  Thriving is elegant.  Maya Angelou

Anyone who has run a marathon, who has survived the grueling 26.2 miles, ends their race with the battle-weary knowledge that they’ve won.  Runners who finish their race thrive on that knowledge; it exhilarates them.  They don’t just survive those 26.2 miles, their life is forever changed with the knowledge of the finish.  A few of those runners even do it on prosthetic legs!  The race, the win – they don’t just survive, they thrive.

In part, it’s pure attitude.  To accept the audacious challenge of running that long a distance seems an impossible feat.  Yet many do it.  To take on such an undertaking results not just in the finish of a race but in the strengthening of inner will.

We are all racers in various forms – some in earning enough income, some in battling a disease, still others in making a good home for their family.  To provide an income, to survive a disease, to see a child awarded a diploma – we can thrive by doing our finest with every challenge placed in our path of life.  We can choose to thrive.

Do you have a list of all the people you like to remember with a gift at the holidays?  I keep my gift list on my computer because I’d otherwise forget who is supposed to be on the list and then I’d overlook someone.  That would be awful, wouldn’t it? 

The list on my computer keeps me from forgetting.  Besides, I then look at last year’s list and remember what I gave.  It’s all meant to make life easier.

This year, I printed the list, shook my head and decided it is just too long.  I’m naming this the year of change, the year when I’ll pull back, when I take the time to reconsider whether a gift is still suitable.  I’ll also decide what kind of a gift that should be.

On the other hand, I may decide to keep most of the names and change the kind of gift I’ll give.  Gifts are meant to celebrate the spirit of the season and not necessarily the value of the object.

The spirit of the season, not the value of the object.

Let’s look at a couple of questions to ask when looking at your list:

1. Why do I give to that person?  Are they someone I value?  What do I want to achieve by sending a gift?  Of course we gift those who are dearest in our lives.  We may also decide to gift people whom we value even though we don’t often see them.
2. What is the right kind of gift for that person?  What types of gifts express the value I place on that person?
3. Can I sort my list into gift types?  My kids and immediate family get special gifts that are chosen each and every year.  What friends and less immediate family?  What about more distant friends or family whom you value; can they be grouped for similar kinds of gifts?  And, don’t forget neighbors, the postal person and other service providers. 

Every gift doesn’t need to be unique and hand-selected each and every year.  In fact, certain kinds of gifts when given each and every year take on their own life.  Often, your recipients anticipate their arrival and are delighted at their arrival.  Here, I’m thinking of pears from Harry & David or a wreath from Christmas Greens Shop.   What’s especially wonderful about these gifts is that they are quick and easy yet they make your recipient happy.

Okay, so let’s now take a glance at types of gifts that can feel personal yet can send the special message you wish to send.

Seasonal.  The aforementioned pears and Christmas wreaths fit here.  There are loads of choices from jams or nuts to poinsettias or Christmas cactus.  What suits your gifting style?

Donations.  Whether you give to the same organization or to a different one each year, honoring others through a donation makes everyone feel good. 

You might decide to choose the organization that best serves an immediate need such as the victims of Typhoon Haiyan in the Philippines.  For that you could choose to support international medical assistance teams through Clarion Global Response or the Red Cross. 

Or, you may choose to give to the same organization every year.  That links you most closely to that organizations mission.  If you wish to express the strength of your commitment to a specific organization, you may even enclose an item that organization sells – from a Red Cross back pack to a Women for Women cookbook, there are many possibilities to increase understanding of that organization’s work.

Homemade.  Whether you bake or knit or paint, your giftees will surely enjoy something you created by hand.

Books – CDs – DVDs.  You may choose to share your favorite-of-the-year with your giftees, whether it’s a book, cd or movie.  Or, you may choose a special book, piece of music or movie for each of your giftees.

Presentation

Just as we make a split-second assessment as we meet someone new, so, too, do we make instant decisions about gifts.  How the gift is presented sets the stage for delight.  That doesn’t mean you need to spend fortunes on wrapping.  Whether you choose newspapers or maps or the paper bought at the store, making it visually satisfying changes the experience.

By the way, if you are a disaster at wrapping, why not buy a gift bag or a nice box?

When gifting a donation, there are many choices.  You can have the organization do all the work, sending an announcement to your list of recipients.  Or, you may choose to download their announcement so you can personalize it. 

Back to the original point, gifting is in the spirit of the season – in your own special voice.

Should your job be your only source of income?  You may think that’s a nutsy kind of question.  Of course, you say, my job is my income.  What else is there?  How else can I have income?

The good news here is that the economy is improving and the unemployment rate continues to fall.  That means that except for poor performance, we’ll all likely keep our jobs.  On the other hand, if the economy is improving, now may be the ideal time to strengthen your financial picture. 

Saving is good.  The question to ask, what do you do with the money you save?  Savings should grow.  Savings should be able to pay you.  Savings should be able to generate income.  Choosing what you do with your savings dollars is vital
. 
Putting money into a CD or money market fund is safe, it generates a small income stream and it keeps money handy in case of a rainy day.  Savings, CDs and money markets will generate a small return and will be available to care for the near- and long-term surprises that arrive in life.

The workhorse of your savings plan is likely your 401k.  That is money set aside for the long-term when it should pay you back handsomely.

What about the remainder of your savings?  Stocks, bonds, ETFs and other investment tools are one solution.  There are other choices.  What about putting some of your money into something that will pay you regularly – monthly, quarterly, annually?  How, you ask?

Rental property creates income.  The first thing that will come to mind here is a home or an apartment; they generate monthly income.  But, not everyone has a spare home or apartment.  Some of us may have a garage or specialized equipment.  Perhaps the garage or the equipment could be rented to others. 

Of course, there are costs to any kind of rental income.  Upkeep of your property is important.  So, too, is protecting yourself from the misdeeds of others.  Renting property you own is not for the faint of heart; it is, however, a possible source of income.

Royalties and fees from books, music, inventions and other original work can generate regular or not-so-regular income.

Internet sales of e-books or products generates income.  Not every book or product has the same level of success.  It’s not likely your first book will top the best-seller list but then again, life often is full with surprise.  Internet sales are niche sales to a very specific, targeted universe of prospects.

Ongoing sales commissions from work you’ve already completed can be another source of income.

It can be comforting to have income from sources in addition to your job.

Joyful hurrahs!  That pretty much describes the holiday season.  Suddenly, at the end of November, there’s a quickening of pace and a lifting of spirits as we anticipate.  Over the next four or five weeks, we’ll be in high holiday gear.  Our holiday busyness, our ways of celebration are as various as the imagination allows.

There are so many possibilities, so many holiday delights that it’s easy to hit the overload button.  Instead of overload, choose yours and your family’s favorite ways to celebrate and stick to those. 

Holiday spirit takes hold through much of the world.  That means there are as many cultural ways of celebrating as there are religious ways.  Below you’ll find but a few of the countless ways people celebrate the holidays.  What are your favorites?

Let’s start with music. 
Do you carol through the neighborhood?
Do you sing in a choir, play in an orchestra?  Does your anticipation grow as you  rehearse?
Do you go to hear a choir or an orchestra?
Do you play carols on an instrument for your family? 
Do you play holiday music on your iPod or Nano or CD player?  Do you have some faves?

Then there is the food.
Are you a holiday baker?  Are you one who bakes and cooks and shares with others?
Do you throw a party and cook your heart out for it?
Rather than making and baking, perhaps you enjoy the tasty treats of the season.   Which?

There are gatherings.
Is it friends gathering?  It is travelling a distance to be together?

There is story telling – from the theatrical to at-home retellings.
There’s the Nutcracker and Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. 
Perhaps you prefer Amahl and the Night Visitors.
Are you a storyteller?  There are stories to be told, stories to pass down. 

There is gift-giving.
Do you love giving gifts to others?
Do you enjoy finding that perfect gift?
Is it the wrapping of your gifts?
Do you make your gifts?  Do you enjoy giving of yourself to others?
It could be you just plain like receiving gifts.
What about charities?  Whether it’s time, talent or money, it is a season to help others.

There are always elevated spirits.
Does your pace quicken?  Do you feel that holiday season joy?

Do you have a holiday season persona? 
Are you the one who “ho, ho, ho’s”?
Do you have favorite holiday clothes?  Maybe you like to wear red shoes or you’ve a  favorite pair of socks.  Even a jingle bell bracelet?

There are decorations everywhere.
Is it decorating your home?  What about your yard?
Do you decorate a tree?  What makes your decorating time most special?

Is it the countdown, the anticipation you most enjoy?
Do you enjoy an advent calendar?

Is it spiritual?  Or, is it the traditions handed down over the years?  What are they?

It’s a season to reach out to others wherever they may live.
Do you send cards, letters and photos?  Do you visit family and friends

Here’s the thing.  The holidays are no longer just Christmas for Christians, Hanukkah for Jews and Kwanzaa for those of African heritage.  It’s true; non-believers enjoy the holidays as well.  Plus, for some, the traditions have blended.  The important point is that you do what is right for you and yours.  Remember, though, to avoid the overload so you can savor your holiday season.

Happy holidays!  The season has begun.

The holidays are upon us.  If you’re like me, Thanksgiving is the signal for a breakneck pace, the rush to prepare.  The retailers have been reminding us for weeks that it’s time to start but for most of us, it takes Thanksgiving to get us into gear.

Yes, there are many among us who prepare all year long.  Their gifts are chosen, wrapped and awaiting a position beneath someone's tree.  Not me.  I have done nothing.

For those of us who haven’t begun, there’s still time to be sure our holidays will be memorable.  It does, however, take a little forethought and planning – over the next couple of days.  Before entering the shopping madness, take a moment to consider these.

First, what do you expect from your holidays?  Have you ever asked yourself that - what you expect from your holiday season?  It’s important to nail down expectations so there isn’t a sense of regret or unfulfilled promise at the end.  The holidays are so full of energy and hope but if we don’t know what we’re anticipating, it’s likely we’ll be let down.

Next, recall yours and your family’s favorite traditions.  Your favorites will lead the list of choices for this season.  Remember to consider whether there have been any changes in other, life changes may mean holiday choices will be different this year.

Don’t forget to cross off those traditions that no longer satisfy.  We evolve.  We change.  It’s not heresy to change your favorites.  This might be the year for a new tradition.  What will it be?

Look at the calendar.  Figure out your timing.  The school choir’s performance.  The tickets to The Nutcracker.  What are the things that are already commitments?  What about parties you want to give or you expect to attend? 

Tomorrow is the last day of November.  That leaves little time for a lot of celebrating.  Consider this, New Years’ Eve is a mere 31 days off!  Now’s the time to let your calendar help guide you.

Making choices.  We can’t do it all; there are just too many possibilities in the holiday season.  It’s time to decide what you will do in Holiday Season 2013 and what you will leave for seasons beyond.

What will make this holiday season memorable?  What can you do to be sure it’s a year you’ll happily remember?  Starting a new tradition can make it memorable.

Avoid end-of-season regrets.  Making plans – a traditions plan and a money plan – will help you prevent disappointment or regret.

Savor.  That’s right; don’t forget to enjoy the fruits of your planning.  Enjoy the moment.  Breathe in the scents.  Delight in the sounds, the flavors and your uplifted spirits,.  Appreciate all that you have, all that is a part of your 2013 holiday season.

It’s very natural to think about gratitude at this time of year.  Or is it?  It’s so easy to just give gratitude a nod and move on.

It’s a funny thing, gratitude.  What is it really?  We can take a quick glance at our lives and say, yes, I’m grateful for my family, for my friends, for my home.  Those are the quick and easy things for which we are grateful.

Why not take a different path this year?  Challenge yourself and take it a step further.  Skip the obvious and go a bit deeper.  Consider, for example, those things that make you, you.  Is it your sense of humor?  Your determination?  Your great cooking?  Your thoughtfulness?  Be grateful for all that you are.

What about your family and friends?  What is it about each person you love that makes them so very special for you?  Their smile?  Their spirit?  Their love for football?  Their crazy stories?  Are they great Words with Friends friends?  Remember to appreciate what your loved ones do that brings you joy.  How do they change your life?

Even when we’re confronted with seeming catastrophe, we can be grateful – if we’re willing.

Happiness experts tell that gratitude is one of the most powerful ways to grow happiness.  Over time, gratitude changes people’s happiness – and it doesn’t take all that much time to make that happen.  It’s not the only tool, but it is one that works for many.

In future blogs we’ll look more closely at ways to grow your happiness with gratitude.  For now, appreciate all that you are and be grateful.  Perhaps it’s not the tryptophan in the turkey that is making us feel so contented; perhaps it’s that we’ve taken the time to count blessings.

Do you ever wonder where your happiness comes from?  Have you wondered if you could be happier?  Many among us wonder whether theirs is the right amount of happiness.  Some see happy-go-lucky others and wonder why they don’t feel the same way.  The question then, how do we know if we are as happy as we should be or could be?

Well, there are now answers to these questions.  As it happens, happiness has become a hot research topic amongst social scientists and their results are surprising.  They’ve found the sources of personal happiness.  In particular, social scientist and Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky, who’s studied happiness for a couple decades, tells us that the basis of our happiness is three-fold.

Genetics.  That’s right, if you want to place the blame on your great-great-grandfather, well, there is some merit to your desire.  50% of our happiness comes from genetics, that stuff that’s passed down in each of our families.  While genetics is fixed and unchanging, awareness can help you with your choices and decisions.  

Circumstance.  I’m betting that many among us will point to circumstance as the main source of our happiness.  Not true.  A mere 10% of our happiness is the result of circumstance.  Yes, you say, but if only you’d win the lottery, your wealth would make you so much happier.  Not true.  Over time, we return to our personal happiness set-point.  Whether it’s circumstantial highs or circumstantial lows, we naturally return to the level of happiness we knew before the circumstantial change.

Okay, so we can point to our ancestors but not to the happenstance of life.  What else is there?  We now know that our everyday happiness is up to us as individuals. 

Intentional Activity.  Our attitude, our activities, everything we choose to include in our lives or leave out of our lives – these are the things that play most heavily on our level of happiness.  All those daily activity choices we make represent 40% of our happiness.  That puts us in charge of our happiness.  

That we are in charge of 40% of our happiness changes everything.  We can make choices that will help to grow our happiness or thwart our happiness.  That’s why we are each in the driver’s seat of our personal happiness

In future driver's seat blogs, we'll look at the things we can do to grow our personal happiness..

We are grateful to Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky for her ground breaking research and her writings: The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky.  2008.  Penguin Books.

We say it all the time, “I’ll sleep on it and get back to you with an answer.”  Often, it works.  Some of our greatest ideas, our most creative work can happen while we are sleeping.  It's even a time for problem-solving.

Does that happen for you?  Are your inspirations the result of a good night’s rest?  For me, the answer is often a resounding yes.  I ‘m sometimes amazed at the great ideas awaiting me when I waken.   I’ve even “slept” on some of my biggest decisions and the outcome was terrific.

The challenge in a sleep-deprived nation, how do we actually make “sleep on it” work?  If we go to bed worried or anxious, the odds of wakening with a brilliant solution or a terrific idea are reduced.  For the sleep-deprived, “sleeping on it” may even grow their sleeplessness. 

Naturally, good ‘sleep hygiene’ rules apply: no caffeine before bed, only use your bed for sleeping, go to bed at the same time every night and follow bedtime rituals consistently.  

Going to bed rituals are especially important.  If you like to read yourself to sleep, be sure it’s a book that enables sleep.  If it’s a book that energizes your brain, you’re less likely to fall asleep.  Worse, if your brain is “hooked” on your book, it’s not likely you’ll come up with an inventive solution. 

Instead of an exciting book, choose one that is calming.  Or, when you want to waken with a great idea, skip reading altogether.  Instead, as you lay down to bed, begin thinking about the subject you are “sleeping on”.  What ideas do you have so far?  What are your expectations for the solution?  Can you think beyond the expected?  Fall asleep with your mind on your subject.

Or, fall asleep remembering the good things that happened during the day.  That primes your mind, readies for it for good rest which is the ideal time for great ideas.

For your best “sleep on it” results, plan your nighttime rituals and give it some practice.  You may well surprise yourself with your innovative outcomes.

The sky is an incredible blue today, did you notice?  The leaves are gold and red, did you see?  Soon it will be winter and the hyper intensity of the holidays.  Right now, however, at this very moment on this very day, it is fall and it is gorgeous. 

Our lives can be so intense, so list and to-do-driven, so scheduled that it’s easy to overlook the beauty that surrounds us each and every day. 

We live in amongst astonishing beauty.  Yes, there’s a lot of cement.  Yes, strip malls are not designed to enhance the beauty.  Still, there are trees and flowers and our gorgeous blue sky.  In the midst of our hectic day, it’s calming to focus and really look at our surrounds.  It’s both calming and energizing.

When there is a catastrophe . . . when the wind destroys, the waters flood, the fires burn . . . when there is a natural disaster, we come together. 

When an evildoer offends, when a transgressor’s acts devastate, we come together.

Some of us are first responders, those who aid victims or douse flames, remove debris or recover the salvageable.   First responders are on the scene immediately.

Others of us work behind-the-scene whether by hugging, holding or feeding, whether by cleaning, restoring or rebuilding.  Some send letters of love and care. 

We are forever changed yet we are united in our humanity.  We stand together. 

Some among us donate material goods or provide expertise to help the injured get back on their feet.

Still others help to underwrite the costs.  From lemonade stands to on-campus drives to individuals reaching deeply into their pockets to companies making a statement of their belief in community.  Each stands united with victims of calamity. 

It’s an investment of spirit.  Whether it’s time and talent or financial and material gifts, in the time of disaster, we are there for each other.  We stand united.

Today I’m blowing the whistle on me and my number.  It’s a number I’ve carried in my mind for a couple decades.  My number represents the ideal weight I wish for. That’s right, while I’ve wished it would happen, I haven’t made it happen.

Do you have a number in mind – the number that represents an ideal for your life, your nirvana?  Some of us carry our “perfect weight” in our head.  We imagine ourselves as our lighter, leaner selves.

Others of us have a salary or bonus number in mind.  They know exactly what they’ll do the very moment they hit their mark.  Once they’ve achieved that number, they think, life will be incredible.  That’s when they’ll really start living.

My number stopped me from feeling good about myself.  It made me put off buying some great outfits because in my mind that lighter weight is right around the corner. 

If you are someone who sets a goal and gets it done, then it is terrific to carry a goal in your head.  For those of us, however, who’ve set a goal but have taken no action, it may be time to stop and reassess.  That bliss we felt about setting our goal may have gotten in the way of actually making our goal happen. 

There is a fine line between working towards a goal and putting life on-hold til you “get there”.  If you’re one of the people whose life is on hold til you get to your number, think about what will really happen when you get to your number?  How will your life be different?  Will it really?

Some of us commit so fully to our “number” that we fail to enjoy our days.  Somehow we put parts of our life on hold.  That’s how we miss out on whole days of living.

Life won’t really change on the day you reach your goal.  Yes, you’ll probably be healthier or wealthier but you’ll remain the same person.  Instead of holding out for an ar arbitrary number, I choose to live today fully.  How about you?

I wakened one morning last week, turned on the radio and sleepily nodded as they announced the birthdays of three really famous people.  Each was celebrating a big birthday that very day. 

“Wow, that’s old,” I thought, “I didn’t remember they were that old.”  That’s when my sleepy morning reverie was lost to a horrifying thought.  “That’s how old I’m going to be on my very next birthday!”

Chronology is a crazy thing.  In our head, we feel young; we feel as if we’re as cool and up on all that is current.  But that’s in our heads, our brains, our minds.  We look out at our world from inside our minds.  Our mindset tells us what we see.  Do we remember to remind our mental vision that we put on a couple of years?  No.  That’s okay, a lively mental spirit helps keep us young.

Whether your next birthday is 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or another number, whatever the number, we’re as young as our mind and body allows.  A vibrant outlook allows us to live our days fully.

It’s the final day of the Olympics.  Over these days of competition, we’ve watched exceptional athletes performing at their peak. 

Repeatedly, commentators have told the stories of the athletes.  It’s never a surprise to learn of long and arduous physical training but the story never stops there.  Many commentators go on to tell about another side to training – the athlete’s ability to visualize, to see themselves performing every nanosecond of a winning performance. 

Alongside the physical training, each athlete plays out every moment of a performance in his or her mind’s eye – over and over and over again.  They anticipate every possible challenge to an exceptional performance and then they see in their mind exactly how they will respond to that challenge.    

Olympians do not visualize the gold medal.  They might dream about it but dreaming doesn’t get them to the win.  Instead, athletes visualize every step of the performance that they see as their best.  They see themselves performing at a winning level and they practice their performance at a winning level.  That is what gets them to the gold.

When you visualize a goal in your future, are you visualizing only the outcome or do you see yourself taking the steps necessary to make your goal happen?  Those who reach their goals, see themselves taking all the steps that will get them to their gold.  In your mind’s eye, can you see yourself “in performance”, taking the actions that will lead you to your goal?

Are reality shows a source of philosophy?  In this case, yes! 

On What Not to Wear, co-host Stacy London advised one of her makeovers, Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  In this instance, a talented young woman learned that her “six-pack of t-shirts” did not dress her for career success.  With gentle prompting and small clothing choice changes, this woman encountered greater recognition – in her career and her social life.

Sometimes we make choices without thought.  Our brain moves to autopilot because our lives are crammed with busyness.  With autopilot, we feel as if we can control the gazillion daily decisions we all face.  Unfortunately, autopilot can also get us into a rut.

Autopilot differs for each of us.  We may use it to choose our clothing, our vacations, our food, even our performance at work. It’s easy to assume your autopilot choices are actually your preferences.  It’s even easy to assume that autopilot choices will always be the right choices.

Consider asking yourself these questions:

• Do I always do this the same way?  Why? 
• Are there other ways?  What are they?
• If I were to make a change, what are the benefits?  What are the drawbacks?
• How would the change feel for me?

Moving beyond your comfort zone may be as simple as setting your alarm fifteen minutes early so you can practice your yoga or work out.  It might mean taking on a new responsibility at work.  It could be deciding to play with your children for thirty minutes every day.  It could be deciding on a weekly date night with your spouse or partner.

Moving beyond your comfort zone does not mean taking irrational risk.  Often, it’s small incremental change that is meaningful.

Where are you when you get your best ideas?  You know the ones.  They’re the ideas that make you wonder, “Whoa, why didn’t I think of that before?”  Where are you and what are you doing when your really great ideas come to mind?

Researchers¹ have found that some of our best ideas, our most original and creative ideas, actually happen when we are literally standing outside the box.  That’s right, they actually did research using room-sized boxes and even shapes of boxes taped on floors.  What did they learn?  They learned that people are most creative when they are standing outside a box.

This does not mean you need to stand on your front porch in the pouring rain to get a good idea.  Where are you when you do most of your idea generating? 

For some, it’s while they drive.  If that’s the case, why not spend a few minutes walking when you reach your destination?  See if a breakthrough idea doesn’t pop right into your mind.

For others, it may be at their desk at home or in the office.  Again, try a different space apart from your regular space.  See what happens when you set yourself apart from your regular thinking or working space.

Use your hands.  Researchers also tested the adage on the one hand or the other and found that extending one’s hands forward as if weighing ideas helped generate fresh thinking.

One researcher² even learned that better ideas were generated when one’s hands were free.  Put your iPad down, move away from your computer, leave your vehicle, free your mind and see what great ideas come your way. 

¹ When Truisms are True by Suntae Kim, Evan Polman and Jeffrey Sanchez-Burkes, New York Times, February 25, 2012. 

² To “Think Outside the Box”, Think Outside the Box by Angela Leung et al, Psychological Science, January 2012.

The sunrise was amazing.  The berries at breakfast were delicious.  There was a text from my granddaughter.  I’ve already written an article.  So goes the day.  It’s starting well and for that I am grateful. 

Grateful.  Some of us are more inclined to notice the good things that happen in our lives, the things around us that are good.  Others of us are less aware, less inclined to notice the good, positive or pleasing things in their daily life.  Some, in fact, count the unpleasant things in their day.   

In the past decade, researchers have confirmed that our sense of well-being grows with our degree of gratitude.  When we are grateful, our sense of well-being is increased.  When gratefulness is not a part of our daily thought process, our overall sense of well-being will likely be lower.  

Gratitude is very simple; it’s a matter of giving a nod to the good, the positive, even the beautiful in our lives.  What we are grateful for is personal.  We can be grateful for just about anything and it’s likely the objects of our gratitude will differ greatly.  If you wonder what others are grateful for, visit Encyclopedia of Gratitude. With gratitude as its purpose, this website offers a “witty and wide-ranging compendium of things to be grateful for.”

How you tally the things for which you are grateful can be of your own design.  Many have taken up the popular gratitude journal.  Others make a mental review of their day as they prepare for their night’s rest.  For those whose sleep is not easy, count the good things instead of lambs!  Research shows that a gratitude mental review just before falling asleep improves the night’s rest. 

Whatever the method, whatever the time, daily recognition of all that is good can grow happiness and satisfaction.  Are you counting the good?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every plan we made followed a perfectly straight path?  No interruptions.  No slow-downs.  No surprises along the way.  So often, however, we’re confronted with a curve or two that impede our perfect progress.

Case in point, the start of a new business.  The business plan is polished and perfect.  You’ve planned for the eventualities.  You are ready for the natural surprises that come along the way.  In fact, you are proud to say that you anticipated a couple of rough patches.  You planned and you were ready.  Those rough patches didn’t slow you up, not one bit.

Even so, no matter how well constructed the plan, the perfect path to your start-up will likely encounter a few curves.  Remarkably, those curves come from the most unlikely sources. 

Consider this website.  Business insurance was simply a line item to be checked-off, right?  Who’d have thought that ideas for success would pose a challenge?  Not me.  But, we couldn’t launch til insurance was in place.  It took a big bite out of our calendar.  As an aside, be sure your insurance is in place before you start your business.  Equally surprising, converting a print concept booklet to something that made sense on a data CD or downloadable book took another large swathe of time.  We couldn’t start the store til there was at least one product to sell!

Whatever your venture, whether you are planning a new business or a vacation, your plan will keep you on the path.  Don’t be surprised, however, by the occasional zig or zag arising from one or more of the details.  Acknowledge the change, find your best solution, even modify your plan if needed.  Use the curves on your otherwise straight path as lessons, as instruction for future planning.  Then, get right back to it. 

Is it a wistful memory by June?  Does it fall into the “meant to but didn’t” category?  Is it that note in a stack of stuff you’ll get to?  It is New Years’ Day 2012.  How did you do with your resolve in 2011?  I’m mortified to say it.  My net weight loss, year over year, is three and a half pounds.  That’s right, I wrote it in words not numbers so it can look a little mightier.  It’s not the twenty I resolved.  It’s not even the fourteen I actually lost.  No, a measly 3-1/2 pounds.

What happens to that New Years’ resolve? Often, it’s as simple as life happens.  We get so busy, so caught up in the demands of our lives that fledgling habits, small battles won, get lost to the busyness.  Perhaps that New Years’ symbol of a baby should sit at the top of our list reminding us that a resolution starts out in its infancy, a change, a f way of doing something.  That means it will need to be nurtured, carefully looked after – throughout the year.

Experts advise that we can build a new habit in thirty days.  That may be true but that habit remains new and needs care.  It is so easy to slide right back.  The slide back is not out of complacency so much as it is out of everyday demands.  Suddenly, our eye is off the ball and those tiny early-in-the-year successes are replaced by the immediacy of other demands. 

My New Year Resolve 2012 comes with an image for my mind’s eye.  It’s of a seedling emerging with tiny green leaves that, with my personal care, will burst into full life as a tree.  I like trees.  You may prefer to see a rose or a tomato plant or even a house from its foundation to its roof.  It’s a simple reminder, an image to help keep that resolve alive even when other demands fight for first place.      
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Everything we do has a starting point.  If we’re runners, there was a time when we began running.  If we’re a great cook, there was a beginning to our cooking experience.  If we’re great at math, there was a time when it clicked and we began our life with math.  There was a beginning for each of our friendships.  Our married life began on our wedding day; our parenting began when our first child was born.  The same is true in our working lives, a first day, a first month and a first year at our job. 

There are so many beginnings in our lives.  Even our days have a beginning, a time when we can decide what we will or won’t include in our day. 

Sometimes, we begin a new commitment and it’s a toughie.  We know it will take time to grow our skills, to nurture our new commitment into a full-fledged accomplishment.  Knowing we can begin again tomorrow is of some comfort but that has its own risk; frequent unsuccessful starts can prevent accomplishment. 

Practice is just as important as the start.  Acquiring knowledge and mastery means repeating the process day in and day out.  Through repetition and practice, we shape our early starts into enduring abilities.  In our first job, we’re only beginning to translate our acquired knowledge into meaningful abilities.  In the first weeks of a marriage or committed relationship, we’re just beginning to gain the skills of a sustained and intimate relationship. 

Over time, our daily effort can move us from novice to expert.  In work, our personal drive plus the experience gained over time, moves us towards mastery.  We become a valuable asset.  So, too, with friendships or marriage or parenting.  We may not have the skills at the start, but daily effort sustained over time, can be the catalyst for good, strong relationships.  Our work becomes accomplished, our marriage and friendships blossom.  Our one-time starts become enduring successes.

This blog is a beginning, the first for me.  My staying power won’t be known til my fiftieth blog or maybe my hundredth.   Over time, it may become a sustainable process for me and a source of insight for you, the reader.  It’s a beginning.