Is it just too much?  Are you trying to balance your work life, your home life, your volunteer life, your church life and your own life and it just isn’t working?  Our lives are complex.  They are loaded with endless details all of which must be done.  We feel anxious, fearing we won’t get it all done.  Then, when we don’t get it all done, we look wistfully at our lives wondering how.  How can we make it all happen?

How then, can you manage all you must do and enjoy your life?  Simply, it takes a clear set of priorities, some boundary setting, a good bit of planning and the willingness to do things differently.

What Are Your Priorities?

While having it all may be your mantra, it doesn’t mean you can do it all today.  That means you’ll need to look at each part of your life and set priorities and boundaries. 

To begin, think about each facet of your life and explain to yourself why it is important.  It may be that you work because you love teaching – and, you need the money.  That’s why work is important for you.  For every part of your life, think about why it is important to you.  For example:

My children and their needs are important because:

My partner and his/her needs are important because:

My work is important because:

Think of all you do – your tutoring, your coaching, your tennis, your book group – and remind yourself why each is important in your life.  Next, look at each of the parts of your life and assign levels of priority for each. 

You may decide that some parts of your life have equal levels of priority.  That’s okay; there are ways to balance activities of equal importance. 

You may find that some parts of your life are not as important to you as they are to someone you love.  That doesn’t mean we stop doing them.  After all, we all do things for others.  Make note and remain aware of these.

You might decide to name your levels of priority.  For example, you might name your top priority items the red hots.

Where Are Your Boundaries?

It’s now time to decide what your priorities mean in your life.  For example, if you want to be accessible for your children during their school years, what exactly does that mean?  Be clear about how you want to be accessible.  Does it mean accessible when there is an illness?  Does it mean you want to attend at least one soccer match each month?  Does it mean you don’t want to travel more than one day a week?  What is your definition of being accessible for your children? For each priority, spell out the actions that will satisfy the priority.

You can only set boundaries when you know what you expect for each priority.  When you know what actions will fulfill your priorities to your satisfaction, that’s when you’ll begin to find balance.  Until you are clear about your priorities and how you want to fulfill those priorities, you’ll always feel on edge and out of balance.

To set your boundaries, look at your expectations for each priority.  Ask yourself all the what-if questions you can imagine.  Your work requires you to travel and be away one night a week.  What if it grows to two nights a week?  What other priorities does that affect?  Will it change your volunteer activities?  Will it impede your weekly visit to your Mom? 

Review your priorities and highlight the areas where you will not compromise.  Generally, these will be in the top priority areas.  Then, highlight the areas where you can be flexible. 

You’ve just taken the first step to setting boundaries to make your life work.

What Are Your Conflicts and Balancing Actions?

It’s now time to think about how some important parts of your life conflict with each other.  At the same time, you’ll consider how other parts of your life help you find a balance.  Again, review your priorities and boundaries.  For every conflict you foresee, find a balancing action that makes it possible. 

Not sure how to proceed?  Below are a few examples to get you started.

Conflict:  Your work is demanding and you must be accessible for your children.  Balancing Action:  Your company’s flexible work plan allows you to decide which days you work at your office and which days you work at home.  Or, you may decide to work from home in the later afternoons, which could give you flexibility with after-school activities.  The only caveat, of course, is to be sure you fulfill your working commitments.

Conflict:  You must be away for a second night every week.  Balancing Action:  You decide to stay at a hotel with workout equipment, which means one or two fewer at-home workouts.  Plus, you use some of your travel time to phone or email the family and/or friends who are a priority.  Oh yes, while travelling, you bring your book club book.  You can read it in-flight.

Conflict:  Your daily commitments are so time-intensive that you never exercise.  Balancing Action:  Take a 15-minute break twice daily.  During these breaks, walk, run, skip rope, use your hand weights or whatever you prefer.  Combined, you’ll get a thirty-minute daily workout.  Better yet, you’ll feel refreshed, ready to resume your busy day.  Another possibility is an exercise ball.  Use it in place of your desk chair.  Or, watch television with your family while you are perched on your ball. 

You will notice that some balancing actions require a willingness to do things differently.  If you aren’t getting it all done today, then you’ll need to consider making changes to your current practices.

At the start, some of the balancing actions may feel foreign.  That’s okay.  Your goal is to get it all done.  You’ve decided on your priorities.  Making them happen in your life may require mental and physical flexibility.  Soon, however, your new ways will be habit and you’ll wonder how you ever managed without them.

Your Plan Will Make It Happen

The glue that brings balance to your life is planning.  Plan your life daily.  Plan your life weekly.  Plan your life monthly.  Even make an annual plan.  That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.  We know that life is in the moment.  Just remember that you’ll enjoy your moments more when your balls are balanced and your ducks are in a row.

Some parts of your plan will be firm and cannot be changed.  Other parts of your plan must be changeable, allowing you to make adjustments as needed.  Your priorities and boundaries are crucial to a successful plan.  They will determine where you can be flexible and where you must be inflexible.

To make the plan work, to make it a plan you can actually put into action, requires your willingness to adapt as circumstance dictates.  To make your plan work requires that you see yourself in a different way.  If it isn’t working today, if your life is out of balance, then it’s time for a new path, a new vision.