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Changing Your Life: The Stages of Change

There is more to making a change than simply deciding to change.

Change is a process, not an event. James O. Prochaska 

Have you tried to make a personal change but you just can’t make it happen?  Maybe you’ve started a diet repeatedly.  Or, is it exercise?  You’re great at the launch but a week later, you’ve already broken your workout promises.  Perhaps it’s that nagging habit you want to break. 

You’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work.  Your intentions are great at the start but you just can’t make it happen over time and that makes you feel like a failure.  In fact, you’ve kind of written the change thing off altogether.

It turns out there are reasons.  To begin, there’s much more to making a change than just deciding to make a change.  It’s a process not a moment in time.  The good news is that social scientists have been researching change over the past few decades and they’ve learned a lot about what does and doesn’t work.

Now, before we go much further, let me explain that there are several articles in this Personal Change series.  Why?  Because change is personal.  Change starts with a process.  The process is the same for all that changes – it’s called The Stages of Change.  That’s the subject for this article – it’s the cornerstone of change because the stages remain the same.  You can customize your change when choosing the tactics you use during each stage.

The methods you decide to use at each stage of the process, allow you to personalize your change.   At each stage, you’ll use the change tactics that speak to you and only you.  What works for one person, may or may not work for another. 

Take words as an example.  Some of us need words that define our limits.  One group of dieters, for example, may want a mental limit such as “I’ll never ever eat red meat again.”  Other dieters may dislike the confinement they feel in the words never ever.  They may find “I plan to skip red meat this week” more motivating.  When making a personal change, it’s important to listen to your head and your heart.  Your success is in the details and how those details speak to you.

Before we get to the techniques of change, however, we’ll look at the process, at The Stages of Change.  You’ll find the tips, strategies and techniques of change in these articles: How To Reach Your Goal With If-Then Planning, Making Change Happen In The Real World and Fifteen-Minute Wins.

Six Stages of Change

Perhaps the biggest surprise about change is that it doesn’t happen instantly.  We’ve learned to think that we’ll start our diet, quit smoking or begin exercising and with a good dose of self-discipline we’ll tough it out and make it happen.  Then, when we’re not successful, we think we’re weak, that we don’t have the will power to get the job done.  

Well, it doesn’t work that way.  Social scientist James Prochaska unearthed something amazing in his research, that there are six stages in the change process.  Now, this is not based on a small research sample.  No, over the years, Prochaska tested his stages of change model on more than 120,000 people! 

So, let’s get to it and take a look at the six stages of change. 

Precontemplation Stage.  At this point, we haven’t begun to think about change; it’s just not on our radar.  For loads of reasons, we’re not yet ready or willing to consider making a change. 

It may be that our soon-to-be-desired change simply hasn’t occurred to us.  Visualize a new Mom.  She is so focused on caring for her child that she literally loses sight of the fact that she’s still carrying her baby weight and she’s still wearing maternity clothes.  She’s so lost in her new responsibilities that self-care has not yet occurred to her.

On the other hand, if we have a health-threatening habit, we may be confronting something deeper.  It could be we’re in denial.  Has that glass of wine with dinner grown to a bottle of wine?  Possibly, we’ve grown weary of the raised eyebrows as we light another cigarette.  Instead, we raise a defensive barrier to change. 

Or, we may refer to our habit as a choice, as a preference; we don’t see it as a problem.  Worse yet, we may have given up altogether. 

There are many reasons for change to remain off the table.

Contemplation Stage.  Here, we become aware of the possibility of change though we’re not yet ready to take action.  In Contemplation, we consider the pros and the cons to change. 

Contemplation is the perfect time to take a hard look at the difficulties you’ll face.  Then, you’ll balance the hard part with the good, with your expected outcome.  It’s a time to be inventive, to see you in a totally new light.  It may be a time to change your vocabulary about yourself or your habit.

Contemplators ask themselves about the barriers, about all the things what will make the change hard.  “I have a house filled with hungry teen-agers, how will I ever diet?”  “I’m stuck at my computer for hours at a time, how will I ever get some exercise?” 

Contemplators are graphic.  They visualize all the little details that will make change so hard.  “But, I’m a party person, how will I ever be able to party without drugs or a drink or a cigarette?”  “Besides, what will my friends say?  How will they act?”

Contemplators also visualize the benefits of their proposed change.  My teen-agers will think I’m so cool when I’m wearing my new size.  Besides, they’ll have learned from me about making a hard choice and sticking to a plan.  Or.  I can see me with a different group of friends.  I already know them and they, too, have fun.  I see them at parties and on the tennis court.  And, they don’t do drugs.  

Contemplation is the perfect time to play change out in your mind.  It’s a time to do some research, looking for new solutions, the ones that are right just for you.  You’ll see yourself in different scenes taking different approaches to change.  Now is the time to find the change ideas that will work for you. 

Contemplation is an important part of the change process.  Don’t hurry it. 

There are, however, a couple of cautions for the Contemplation Stage.  It’s possible to get stuck in this stage.  Some among us can make Contemplation a chronic condition. 

Another Contemplation Stage trap is to wait for the perfect moment before taking the next step – but that moment never arrives.  Perfect rarely happens; sometimes a plunge into the next stage is all we can do. 

On the other hand, don’t rush this stage; it’s an important part of your change process. 

Preparation Stage.  We’re now at the brink of action but, first, it’s time to plan!  In the Preparation Stage, we’re fully focused on getting ready for our future.  We’ve made the decision; it is now time to construct the future for our changed self.  It is now time to make our very detailed plan.

In preparation, we plan to confront the barriers we uncovered in the Contemplation Stage.  Plan how you will handle each barrier to your success.  For example, plan what will you say or do when people encourage you to go back to your old habit, when they ply you with “just one drink” or “it’s only one slice of cake”.

Remember that your family and friends know the “old” you, the person before the change.  They are accustomed to sharing that extra desert with you or skipping the workout in favor of watching a game.  Your change may alter your relationship.  In fact, your change may create anxiety in others because they may feel it means they need to change and they don’t feel ready.  They may be in the Precontemplation Stage. 

In preparation, we even test the waters making a few trial runs at our proposed change.  That’s how you’ll get a sense of what it feels like.  With a rehearsal or two, you’ll be able to test the tactics, strategies and techniques you are planning.

Action Stage.  You’ve contemplated and you’ve planned.  You even named your start date and it has arrived.  It’s time to put your plan into action.  This is a bit scary.  You are stepping into the unknown.  Congratulate yourself all the way along this road; you are seeing a new future for yourself.  That is powerful. 

You may find you feel a big anxious about the unknown.  Be sure you are well rested; also, fold in a lot of anxiety-reducing exercise.  Enjoy the fruits of your change – remember those?  All the way back in your Contemplation Stage, you’d figured out all the good things that would happen when you made your change.  Is your family a happier, closer unit now that you aren’t drinking?  Or, are you in the shops finding new clothes for your svelte figure? 

Maintenance Stage.  It’s new and anything new takes practice.  You may find yourself feeling discouraged because some days are harder than you imagined.  What did you plan for those times?  Most certainly, look at what you’ve accomplished and give yourself credit.  Coach your way back to your plan remembering that old adage, “this, too, shall pass.”  You’ve come a long way, don’t give up the ground you’ve gained.

Recycling.   That social scientist, James Prochaska, who discovered these Six Stages of Change, is pretty fabulous in his wording.  Many people would call this stage preparing for a relapse, but not Prochaska.  He calls it Recycling.  Here, you take the lessons learned in your success.  Should you relapse, you can use what you’ve learned to make your change finally and successfully.

These, then, are the Six Stages of Change.  There are many approaches to each stage giving you the opportunity to customize your change plan to fit your personal preferences and style.

For more on Stages of Change,  Prochaska’s book is very readable; it is Changing For Good, A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program For Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward.